Open Wide for an Open Relationship
by Audrey Ference
Dear Audrey,
I have a very active gag reflex, and it gets in the way when I am trying to give a blowjob. It’s very embarrassing. Is there any way to fix this?
One double shift at the ol’ glory hole ought to solve your problem. If that isn’t an option, you can try to desensitize your throat. Tickle your gaggy area with your tongue or a toothbrush or something for ten seconds every night until it stops being so gaggy. This is relatively unpleasant, but the internet assures me it will work. It also told me to tell you that GIRD (gastroesophageal reflux disease, aka persistent acid reflux) can make you quick on the gag trigger, so if you get a lot of heartburn, maybe get checked out because that shit is not good for you, even outside the realm of blowjobs.
Another thing you could try is to breathe through your nose, kind of tilt your head so that it elongates your throat, and make sure you are relaxed. Being all tensed up and thinking about choking will make you gag a lot faster. A recreational buzz can help with this relaxation, though please note that obviously being completely trashed is a great way to end up throwing up on someone’s dick. THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENS, and more often than you might think. It is magnificently gross.
Lastly, if you just kind of want to be able to fake an extra inch or two, you can try opening wider and sort of sucking sideways, so that the dick goes into the pocket of your cheek as though you are making that “hilarious” gesture where you mime putting a dick in your mouth and poke your tongue into your cheek. Also, put your hands around the shaft, one on top of the other, and connect the hand tunnel up to your lips. This will allow you to apply pressure to the penis while not actually having all that much of it in your mouth. It’s sort of a jackoff/blowjob hybrid. A boner chimera.
Dear Audrey,
My monogamous partner and I are considering moving to an open relationship. Any tips for this transition?
Here’s what I would be talking and thinking about.
Think really hard and honestly about how you would feel finding out your partner was with someone else. Like really imagine them saying, “Hey remember that dude Terrence from work? We hooked up the other day.” Try to determine honestly what you would be cool with.
With that in mind, set lots of boundaries beforehand, even shit that seems obvious. The people I know who have had this crash and burn were way vague at the outset, and then one partner felt betrayed down the line. For example, is it ok to hook up with friends? Professionals? Are relationships allowed, or just no strings attached one-offs? What constitutes a “relationship” — emotional attachment or just fucking the same person more than once? Will disclosing your other partners to each other be compulsory? Forbidden? Are you allowed to bring people to your place if you live together? Will you tell other people about your arrangement?
Tell your other partners up front what your deal is. I mean not if they’re like an NSA off Craigslist, but anyone you’re considering having any kind of ongoing thing with, it is only fair for them to know you are in a committed, long-term other thing. In fact, just think about how your actions will make people feel, and don’t be a dick. That is useful advice for everyone on the planet.
Have safe sex, duh!
I guess probably communicating is the most important thing, as with any relationship. Good luck with everything!
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