Paddy Goes Back to School 

I'm quite certain Hollywood Forever Correspondence School isn't a website meant to be taken particularly seriously, but I decided to fill out their online application form anyway. I like the unfocused black and white Hollywood mountain picture on the website, created by Carlos Laszlo and Marlon Rabenreither, which has that young hipster/grunge aesthetic I sometimes look at desirously. Why not reclaim my youth?

Apparently one way to do this is by embracing bullshit. The school promises "apperceptive education, semiotics, and nuance in the field of artistic practice and study," a meaningless course description if ever I heard one. The promo text goes on to describe those enrolled as "both professors and students" and the school "just as much yours as anyone else's." It's basically the school of life for art kids.

But, whatever. I'm signing up. In order to qualify I have to complete their prompts with sincerity. This is my application.

Name:
Paddy Johnson
Age:
35
Sex:
Female
Location:
New York
Occupation:
Blogger
Recreate, improve, alter, or destroy a famous art work or style.
I'm just not convinced recreating John Lennon and Yoko Ono's bed-ins will have any effect on world peace. In 1969, during the Vietnam War, they invited the press to their honeymoon suite to discuss the issue. They also sent acorns to world leaders in the hope they would be planted as a symbol of world peace. I know the growing conditions aren't ideal, but I sent a bag of nuts to Afghanistan in their honor regardless. Hopefully Al Qaeda will get the message.
Design your own tombstone.
Over the last few months, I've asked for several online videos to be embedded on my tombstone. Fuck that, though—I can't choose. Just embed my mag.ma channel on the monument and be done with it.
Make up a new sin, then document yourself committing it.
Thou shalt not express indifference in print or on the web.
Redesign the human genitals so they are more equitable.
Meh.

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