Ok, psychological problem here.
My current girlfriend just got on the pill and wants me to come inside her. Before she was on the pill, I used to really love going without a condom, coming on her stomach, or putting on a condom to finish — not entirely safe, right? Ha. But now I freak out when we’re together because it feels totally out of my control, and I’m worried about getting her pregnant. It’s starting to affect our mutual pleasure a bit.
I think it’s this: I’ve been with girls on the pill before, and they’ve told me it was still not smart to come inside them. They were adamant about pulling out or wearing a condom, giving me the impression that the pill was just sort of an added layer of protection.
How safe is it to be coming inside her? And if it is safe, is there anything I can do to calm myself down and enjoy it like I used to?
Thanks. And sorry if this is a dumb question — I went to Sex Ed in the South.
Oh my golly. Seriously, everybody, if you’re old enough to fuck you’re old enough to understand how these things work. And don’t give me that South stuff — I grew up in Texas. I guess I should be glad you’re being over-cautious instead of asking if drinking Mountain Dew will kill the baby molecules.
So here’s the thing about the pill: if you use it correctly, it is over 99% effective. However, using it “correctly” means a lot of things that most pill users don’t do, including taking the pill at exactly the same time every day. Even so, if your ladyfriend is taking her pills each day, it is a very, very safe method of contraception. It is not in any way, however, a preventor of STDs. This might be where the confusion was coming in with the previous women.
It is also something that is completely out of your control, as you say. There’s not really anything you can do to ensure that your girlfriend is taking her pills, and I could see where that would be scary. I mean ultimately you need to do what makes you feel comfortable. But as long as you’re both clean and monogamous and she’s taking her pill every day, it is extremely safe to jizz wherever you please.
I feel completely guilty!
I noticed in the paper that there was a S.A. (Sex Addict) meeting at the community center across the street. I signed up for the pottery class that followed the meetings at the center. I met and dated a woman from the meetings. We had sex in the back of a movie theater, in the closet at a friend’s house during his b-day party, in a taxi, on the subway coming home from a jazz club where we had done it in the restroom. We had sex everywhere and all the time. After a month or so, she stopped calling me and retuning my messages. I have an ache in my heart, not from the broken relationship, but from the guilt.
I had more sex in one month than I have had in the past three years. Is there any way to have a normal sex life with someone who is S.A.?
Is it possible for people with a sex addiction to have a “normal” sex life? Yes. Can someone still in recovery do it? Maybe, maybe not. Is her recovery your responsibility? Nope, it’s hers and hers alone, even if she does choose to share that information with you. Not that it’s any of your business. Are you acting like a fucking creep? Yes. Knock that shit off. There’s plenty of people out there who love to fuck and are mentally healthy. Go find one. •