100 Frost Street, Brooklyn, 718.389.2982
Alcohol is the only thing we'd still be sure of in a post-zombiepocalypse society. Head over to Brooklyn Kitchen for your own brew kit as well as the know-how to make it work. And when the Arizona Police-State-model is adopted by the chimpanzee government in Albany, you can watch the trouble unfold safely from your bed, drunk. May 26, 6:30pm, $125
Even when it's safe to walk the streets again, as long as you're carrying your papers, it won't be a good idea—you have a beard, dude. You'll need to horde the kind of food that keeps forever. Pickles are sort of like that, as well as sort of nutritious, easy to make and delicious. This class will be taught by Bob McClure of McClure's Pickles (like if Original Ray taught pizzamaking). May 24, 6:30pm, $40
To butcher a pig, you must first smuggle it into your bathtub (there has to be a drain, for your vomit). If you can get that far, this class will take it from there. Hosted by the fine
murderers people of the Meat Hook, this class will not be hands-on (thank, um, god?), but there will be time for questions. Like, why are you butchering pigs?
May 18, 6:30pm, $80
If not zombies, what will you eat when the zombiepocalypse arrives? This class on Rooftop Gardening will teach you to produce non-mutated food to keep you alive so you can keep tormenting yourself with thoughts of suicide. Just imagine if those attractive young people in that zombie movie had just stayed on the mall roof and made a self-sustaining garden? They'd still be there, craving protein. May 27, 6:30pm, $30