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Title: Hotel Room Service
Conklin: You are never going to guess what Pitbull is doing in his hotel room. He’s having sex! With strangers! In ways that I am ashamed to admit I don’t understand! There’s this one line about how one of the women likes “freaky stuff,” such as “two in the O and one in the eye.” I have no idea what this means, but I suspect she should consider looking into some goggles. I also suspect Pitbull will be the next to have one of those VH-1 shows like Rock of Love or My Antonio, just ‘cause he seems like he’d be really good at that.
Dougherty:So Pitbull is in the hotel — no, wait, motel... nope, even worse, Holiday Inn — and he’s getting dozens and dozens of girls to come get naked with him. I wonder, has Pitbull ever been to a Holiday Inn? For one thing, they don’t have room service. At best, they do the continental breakfast buffet in the morning, where you get plastic-wrapped muffins and, if you’re really lucky, a cereal bar. The beds in a given Holiday Inn room could probably accommodate four or five girls — still a lot, admittedly, but not for Pitbull, from the sound of it. They also don’t have lobbies big enough for afterparties, unless your afterparties involve browsing the brochures of local tourist attractions. Pit, telling you, give hotels.com a shot.
Title: Love Drunk
Artist: Boys Like Girls
Conklin: A little known fact about mall/emo band Boys Like Girls: they were originally called “God Made Adam and Eve, Not Adam and Steve, Faggot.”
Dougherty:Remember like two years ago, when you were shopping for the hottest new back-to-school fashions at JC Penney, and you heard a song over the PA that was the best song you had ever heard? And then you found out it was called “The Great Escape” by a band called Boys Like Girls? Well, now they have another song, and it’s basically the same as the old one, only the chorus is swapped with that Killers song, “Somebody Told Me.” Which is also several years old. Don’t malls still get new stores when the old ones stop being cool? Shouldn’t they get new pop songs too? And no, Pacsun is still Pacific Sunwear, kids, they just shortened the name.