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Title: I Invented Sex
Artist: Trey Songz (feat. Drake)
Mike: I think I'm down with Trey Songz. He's totally fucking filthy, of course, and unlike Ben, I actually believe him when he says he's good at doing it, 'cause, like, his voice is really smooth and I think he understands melody—two absolute musts when it comes to doing it. It's strange, maybe even a little sad, to be a 31-year-old man whose job is to discuss the merits of the sexual boasting of other men. But at least I'm not Drake. God, Drake sucks.
Ben: How is it that Drake, despite being the most boring hip-hop artist since, um, at least Master P, has become a Pop Scene regular? (Twice this week!) That said, I wish his verse hadn't been cut from the version of the song they used for the video, because then he could be there standing awkwardly by the bed while Trey Songz and his girl get their dry hump on. And where does this Songz character get off (heh) claiming he's so good in bed that you'd think he invented sex? He doesn't even know how to spell! Worse still, his song has no enjoyable rhythm, building momentum, or ecstatic release, so there's no reason to think he'd be able to achieve those things in other areas of his life. He needs to stop name-dropping Usher and actually listen to some Usher, or, better yet, R. Kelly, who actually invented sex.
Title: Evacuate the Dance Floor
Mike: This is like a bullshit dance track from 1990, but with auto-tune. The beat is basically a canned setting on a cheap old keyboard, the melody is repetitive and not at all interesting (or even particularly catchy), and the overall tone and structure are hopelessly outdated. I make fun of lots of shit in Pop Scene, but for the most part I see the appeal of the songs we cover. This is something else entirely, though—the kind of song you actually just can't picture a real, live person listening to.
Ben: Gosh, I didn't realize that swine flu was such a huge problem in Germany. That's what this throwback to early 90s electropop is about, right? Natalie Horler, the trio's lead singer, implores, "Evacuate the dancefloor/I'm infected by the sound," yet nobody seems to leave the dance floor. In fact, more people are continually crowding around the infected singer. And then, in a moment of self-sacrifice she calls out, "Hey Mister DJ come on and burn this place right down to the ground," which seems a little extreme, but I guess you can't be too careful. Just when I was thinking these Deutschlanders might be the next Black Eyed Peas.
Take a listen for yourself, and let us know what you think:
Oh, and here's that Glee track: