Post-Coitus, Pre-Coitus, Lil’ Coitus!
by Audrey Ference
Dear Audrey,
My boyfriend has this weird habit of treating me like shit right after he cums — he’ll be totally distant and act like I’m a stranger… then deny it whenever I bring it up. Is this some biological thing or is he just a dick?
If the “biological thing” is that he’s biologically done having sex and therefore doesn’t need to sweet talk his way into your biological parts for a little while, then yes, maybe it is biological. Otherwise, he sounds like kind of a dick. I assume this guy has redeeming qualities, since you refer to him as your boyfriend and not just some creepy dude you bone, so maybe he just likes to be alone afterward? Or maybe he’s tired from fucking you so hard? I have noticed that there are certain types of guys who really mythologize sex and have all these sort of rituals after, like “Oh, chicks want to cuddle but I just need to feel masculine and eat a sandwich” or something. I think they learn it from watching TV. Or, I don’t want to be a jerk, but could it be something you contribute to? Like possibly after sex becoming uncharacteristically clingy or needy? Either way, it could be some relationship thing — fear of intimacy, insecurities about sex, general politeness issues — or it could just be some weird tick. I’d say try talking about it again, but as I’ve said before, relationship advice is out of my purview. I’m not in that union and let me tell you, you don’t want those guys coming after you. They hate scabs.
Dear Audrey,
I suspect my boyfriend has a small penis and have caught him checking those penis enlargement ads. My question is this — is it true that specific diets (i.e. high fat, fried foods etc) has an effect on this?
Whoa, you “suspect” he has a small penis? That opens up a world of questions that, frankly, I’d rather not even get into. Anyway, basically, no. He gots what he gots, for the most part, unless he is still in puberty or something, which, ick. I’m sure we’ve all heard about how diet affects spooge flavor, but I’m so not looking that up unless I have to. Enjoy your boyfriend’s wiener for what it is, and maybe he’ll calm down about it. Motion of the ocean and all that. Good luck!
Dear Audrey,
I have been questioning my sexual orientation for some time now (as I believe every young adult should), and just recently found out that one of my best [girl] friends is attracted to me (I’m a girl, too). I have been wondering if I am attracted to her for a couple years now, and think I might just see how it goes with us when I see her (she lives in California). Although she has had experience with both guys and girls, I am unsure of what she might be expecting from me. I am a virgin and just recently had my first kiss (yikes!) but feel that I am ready for more. What would you recommend I do when I see her?
I think it is awesome that you are so open and questioning about your sexuality — down with the heteronormative patriarchy, amiright? Now, no offense, kiddo, but you sound awfully young. Figuring all that sex shit out for the first time is fraught for everyone, so don’t worry about it over-much. If your friend is cool and not a jerk, she has no right to “expect” anything from you. Just take things slow and listen to your gut — don’t be afraid to stop things if you start to feel freaked out. You’ll probably maybe want to get some more making out under your belt before you move to any of the more naked bases, but who knows. Do what you feel, as long as it’s what you actually feel. And be safe. And don’t get me in trouble with your parents.
My boyfriend has this weird habit of treating me like shit right after he cums — he’ll be totally distant and act like I’m a stranger… then deny it whenever I bring it up. Is this some biological thing or is he just a dick?
If the “biological thing” is that he’s biologically done having sex and therefore doesn’t need to sweet talk his way into your biological parts for a little while, then yes, maybe it is biological. Otherwise, he sounds like kind of a dick. I assume this guy has redeeming qualities, since you refer to him as your boyfriend and not just some creepy dude you bone, so maybe he just likes to be alone afterward? Or maybe he’s tired from fucking you so hard? I have noticed that there are certain types of guys who really mythologize sex and have all these sort of rituals after, like “Oh, chicks want to cuddle but I just need to feel masculine and eat a sandwich” or something. I think they learn it from watching TV. Or, I don’t want to be a jerk, but could it be something you contribute to? Like possibly after sex becoming uncharacteristically clingy or needy? Either way, it could be some relationship thing — fear of intimacy, insecurities about sex, general politeness issues — or it could just be some weird tick. I’d say try talking about it again, but as I’ve said before, relationship advice is out of my purview. I’m not in that union and let me tell you, you don’t want those guys coming after you. They hate scabs.
Dear Audrey,
I suspect my boyfriend has a small penis and have caught him checking those penis enlargement ads. My question is this — is it true that specific diets (i.e. high fat, fried foods etc) has an effect on this?
Whoa, you “suspect” he has a small penis? That opens up a world of questions that, frankly, I’d rather not even get into. Anyway, basically, no. He gots what he gots, for the most part, unless he is still in puberty or something, which, ick. I’m sure we’ve all heard about how diet affects spooge flavor, but I’m so not looking that up unless I have to. Enjoy your boyfriend’s wiener for what it is, and maybe he’ll calm down about it. Motion of the ocean and all that. Good luck!
Enjoy your boyfriend’s wiener for what it is,
and maybe he’ll calm down about it.
Motion of the ocean and all that. Good luck!
and maybe he’ll calm down about it.
Motion of the ocean and all that. Good luck!
Dear Audrey,
I have been questioning my sexual orientation for some time now (as I believe every young adult should), and just recently found out that one of my best [girl] friends is attracted to me (I’m a girl, too). I have been wondering if I am attracted to her for a couple years now, and think I might just see how it goes with us when I see her (she lives in California). Although she has had experience with both guys and girls, I am unsure of what she might be expecting from me. I am a virgin and just recently had my first kiss (yikes!) but feel that I am ready for more. What would you recommend I do when I see her?
I think it is awesome that you are so open and questioning about your sexuality — down with the heteronormative patriarchy, amiright? Now, no offense, kiddo, but you sound awfully young. Figuring all that sex shit out for the first time is fraught for everyone, so don’t worry about it over-much. If your friend is cool and not a jerk, she has no right to “expect” anything from you. Just take things slow and listen to your gut — don’t be afraid to stop things if you start to feel freaked out. You’ll probably maybe want to get some more making out under your belt before you move to any of the more naked bases, but who knows. Do what you feel, as long as it’s what you actually feel. And be safe. And don’t get me in trouble with your parents.
