You're right—I think most couples have differing sex needs. Nobody's exactly the same. Also, sex drives change over time. Even people who started out with pretty well-matched libidos go through periods when one partner becomes more or less interested in sex. Depression, stress, anxiety, grief, pregnancy, changing hormones, medications, illnesses, injuries: all this stuff can affect how interested in sex a person is. I think that all couples in it for the long haul should expect that at some point they will find themselves sexually incompatible.
So how do they deal with it? That's different for everyone. Even people with generally similar sex drives won't necessarily find themselves ready to go at exactly the same time. The unsexy truth of relationships is that sometimes you do it to please your partner even when you're not 100% into it, and sometimes you don't get laid even when you're really horny. That's what masturbation is for, and that can be a really good outlet for higher sex drive folks partnered with lower sex drive folks. Some people open up their relationships to varying degrees so that the higher sex-drive partner can find sexual satisfaction with someone else. Sometimes people cheat on their partners. Sometimes relationships end over sex drive incompatibility. Some people just learn to live with being somewhat sexually unsatisfied. It's complicated. Communication and compromise can fix a lot, but sometimes otherwise-great relationships are doomed by irreconcilable sexual needs. Sorry, I guess the truth is kind of depressing on that one.
Dear Audrey, I know this is kind of stupid, but when it's cold like this, the lube and vibe and condoms and everything in the "fun drawer" get uncomfortably cold. Is there anything less appealing than cold lube? But to sit there and kind of warm each thing up in your hands starts to feel awkward and puts a damper on the proceedings. Is there some obvious solution here that I'm missing?
Well, you could stash all the stuff you need in your various warm skin folds—underarms, ass crack, behind your knees—and then have them all ready and warm when you need them. If you keep them there all the time, it could add a nice element of surprise to your sex life. Like you raise your hand and surprise! It's warm underarm dildo time!
Or you could get a heating pad and lay everything out on it like that tray at the dentist's office. That too could become a fun bedroom game: sex dentist. "Oh sex dentist, I think I am getting a cavity in my vagina dentata." "Nope that's just normal plaque buildup." "Then do me with it!" See? fun!
If you have one of those SousVide Supreme kits, you could keep it set to a nice 98.6 and store everything in there. Or you could maybe put the lube in the microwave for the briefest of zaps, but that seems like it would be even more disruptive than the old fashioned rub it between your palms for a few seconds method. Maybe your best option is just to tell that crook landlord of yours to turn up the heat?
For questions and comments, the natural redhead can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org