Sex With Strings Attached
by Audrey Ference
Illustration Mike Force
Dear Audrey,
I recently got an IUD installed and I love it! No thinking about birth control for years, yeah! When I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time, though, he said he could feel the strings. He showed me little chafed spots on his penis where the strings had rubbed (he’s well-endowed). My gyno said at the insertion that the strings should stay up around my cervix. Is there anything I can do?
There is indeed something you can do! Fear not. The strings shouldn’t be detectable, even to the biggest of dicks. Just make an appointment to go back to your gyno and get the strings trimmed a bit. This happened to a friend of mine when she got hers inserted, but after a trim there wasn’t any problem. And PS she completely loves having it, too. So glad IUDs are back.
Dear Audrey,
I’m going to be traveling to meet a friend for what will hopefully be a weekend of amazing sex. I will definitely be bringing some toys with me. What’s the deal with toys and airport security? Am I really going to have to pay to check a bag because of dildos?
The number one rule of bringing sex toys on planes is always take the batteries OUT. Nothing makes a TSA agent flip their shit faster than something vibrating inside of a suitcase. Whether or not you need to check your bag depends on what you’re bringing and how ballsy you are about having strangers rifle through your boudoir items in front of you and the rest of the security line at JFK.
Definitely anything that is even vaguely weapon-like needs to be checked: anything like a whip or paddle or spiky stuff, anything with a blade (hey, you never know), any dildo big enough to club somebody with. Err on the side of caution, because if it doesn’t pass muster you’ll either have to go mail that shit to yourself and go all the way back through the line or lose a beloved toy. Lube is a gel and falls under the three-ounces-in-a-baggy protocol. Otherwise, I think you’re ok.
Most anything that is tubular or odd-shaped or motorized or glass or metal is going to show up as a flagged item in the x-ray scanner, so be prepared to demonstrate the toy to show it’s not some secret detonation device or whatever. Also, please bring everything clean, because handling unwashed sex toys is not something anyone should have to do as part of his or her job.
The way we’re living these days, I’m sure airport security people see tons of sex toys all the time. It should absolutely not be a big deal to them. But you never know when you’re going to get the jackass who thinks they’re the King of Airport Comedy, so I think just be prepared to be nonchalant about the whole thing. Feel free to take the discreet route and call them “personal items” or make it a party and yell “IT’S A BUTT PLUG, OFFICER, DON’T WORRY, MY BOYFRIEND’S BEEN TRAINING FOR THAT BAD BOY.” Your choice.
I’m pretty sure that you can request your bag be examined in a private area, if that makes you more comfortable. And if anyone behaves inappropriately to you, file a complaint with the TSA. Generally, though, we’re all adults here, and should be able to deal with some airport sex toys.
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