Sexual Ecsta-Pee 

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Illustration by Sarah Lutkenhaus

Dear Audrey, I recently discovered that I (female) and my current partner (male) are both interested in water sports. We’re both new to piss play, so I want to figure out the logistics. For example, is it safe to drink pee? How do we keep the mattress clean but also allow for spontaneity in our sex life? I don’t want our apartment to smell—what’s best for cleanup? Also, boyfriend has a fantasy that I hold it for a long time and then he makes me pee myself by having sex. Is this dangerous?

My goodness, so much to learn about urine! You have an exciting, ammonia-tinged odyssey of discovery ahead of you! So, ok, pee is one of your body’s ways of excreting the stuff it doesn’t want anymore. It’s usually sterile. (If you have a bladder infection, it won’t be, for example, but that would be a separate problem.) You’re completely fine to drink as much as you want, but it can irritate the eyes and skin. Just wash it off if that happens.

Unlike poop, which has lots of nasty business in it that can make you sick, pee’s a pretty harmless substance, not something to worry too much about getting around all your sex junk. Its biggest downside, pretty much, is (as you mention) the smell. Not being a water-sporter myself, I don’t know if the pee smell is maybe sexy sometimes? But long term, yeah, you’re not going to want that hanging around your apartment.

For the bed, there are all kinds of waterproof setups you can look into. If I were you, I would for sure invest in some kind of waterproof mattress bag or barrier, because once you get liquid in your mattress you’re pretty fucked. (Even the non-piss-players among us might want to look into that, because you never know when a cat is going to barf on your bed, for example.) With the mattress bag, you can piss all over your regular sheets and just throw them in the wash. Also, I was surprised while googling by what a range of waterproof sheets there are out there; I found some flannel-topped ones that looked pretty decent. You’d still have to change the sheets every time you piss ‘em up, but at least you wouldn’t have to wipe down the mattress bag.

For cleaning up otherwise, you’re probably fine just using whatever you usually use to clean stuff. I use those bleach wipes because I’m a terrible monster, but I’m sure there’s some kind of green cleaning product and reusable wipe that you can find. Be mindful of fabrics: you’re never going to get pee out of the couch, for example, so just throw down a waterproof sheet first. Or there’s always the out-of-doors? Outside doesn’t care if you pee on it.

As to your last question, keeping in mind that I’m not a medical professional, I believe it’s possible to hurt yourself by holding in your pee for too long, but I think it has to be, like, a really long time. I keep imagining your bladder popping like a water balloon while this dude fucks you, but I’m pretty sure that’s not realistic. I think, just, you know, common sense: don’t be too rough, don’t hold too long, let your pee out when it wants to come out. You should be fine. Good luck getting peed on!



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