So You Want to Get Kinky?
by L.B. WilkensonSo first (and I know this sounds like boring sex homework you’d find in a Cosmo, but bear with me) get together with your partner and make a list of all the sex acts you can think of. Threesomes, latex, public sex, anal play, flogging, homemade porn, role-playing and humiliation play are all good, relatively non-threatening items to include.
The next step is for both of you to separately mark each item as “Yes, I’d definitely try that!” “Maybe I would,” or “No way.” Then swap lists. You’ll likely find that there’ll be one or two things your partner is surprisingly excited about doing. If you’re into them too, start there.
Now, as far as toys are concerned, I find that couples who’ve already brought either a vibrator, a soft dildo or soft buttplug into the bedroom, will generally try taking things to the next level with one of the following items:
Metal/glass toys
A hard, heavy toy is great for g-spot stimulation because the g-spot responds to firm pressure, not a soft touch. Both metal and glass toys can be manipulated with cold and heat, which opens the door for some exciting sensation play. And no, just because it’s glass doesn’t mean it’s going to shatter inside you: the good stuff is made with Pyrex.
Cock rings
Cock rings can potentially increase the sensitivity, size and duration of an erection. A lot of men think they should just roll it on and let it hang out on the shaft, but for maximum effectiveness, you'll likely find that a cock ring around base of the penis (behind the testicles) is a better bet. Jelly rubber cock rings look small but have a surprising amount of give (a coworker once stretched one around his head). Eventually, if you decide to start experimenting with non-elastic materials, you'll need to know the diameter of your penis. And unless it’s an adjustable, lasso-style cock ring, you should never wear one for longer than 30 minutes.
Restraints
While restraining a partner is often one of the first steps taken by beginning kinksters, it is far too multifaceted a subject to get into in a short article. To give you a sense of what you’re getting in to, The Pleasure Chest (which is a relatively small store) carries hogties, handcuffs, thumbcuffs, anklecuffs, under-the-bed systems, PVC tape, rope, leather restraints, silk ties and spreader bars. So, you might want to do some online research, or pick up a book. Prominent sex educator Midori has an excellent one out about Japanese bondage.
Sensory play
Vampire gloves and Wartenberg pinwheels are two items for the sensually adventurous to check out. If you press down too hard with either toy, you can draw blood. Trusting your partner not to do so can add to the eroticism of sensory play.
Anal beads
Anal, anal, anal, I feel like that’s all I ever talk about these days. Recently I was on the phone with my Mom and she described something as being, “good painful. You know, like in your article!”
Great. I don’t even like for Mom to catch me sucking on a Popsicle because it seems too sexual, but now she knows I do anal. What I wouldn’t give to go back to the days when we both pretended I was a virgin.
But anyway, I think of beads as being a slightly more advanced anal toy than a plug because of the element of timing involved. Ideally they’re meant to be (gently) pulled out during orgasm. Shane’s World anal beads or silicone Flexi Felix beads are both good for beginners. Don't share the Shane's World beads though. They're made from rubber jelly, which can harbor bacteria.
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