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In the Loop (Armando Ianucci)
Hilarious political satire — we promise — from England's prince of comedy.
Orphan (Jaume Collet-Serra)
A married couple adopts a kid — we wonder if it'll be evil? We wouldn't care to find out, except Vera Farmiga (who covered similar ground in the recent Joshua) and Peter Sarsgaard play the couple, and we often fantasize that we were married to either.
The Ugly Truth (Robert Luketic)
Gerard Butler makes the transition from Persian-slaughtering Grendel-slayer to romantic lead in what looks like a rote shitcom.
Adam (Max Mayer)
The world clamored for an Asperger Syndrome rom-com. Only Max Mayer was brave enough to answer.
You, the Living (Roy Andersson)
Anyone who saw Andersson's surreal and hilarious Songs from the Second Floor earlier this decade will be psyched that he's finally back with a new feature. Those who didn't: get Netflixin'.
The Cove (Louie Psihoyos)
Hidden-camera dolphin doc ("the Zapruder film of environmental documentaries," boasts its director) exposes animal abuse — and it turns out you're complicit! Yes, you — even if you don't eat dolphin meat. Sweet, mercury-laced dolphin meat.
Funny People (Judd Apatow)
If we hear one more thing about Judd Apatow, we are going to scream.
Lorna's Silence (Jean-Pierre and Luc Dardenne)
You're hip to cinema, right? So we don't need to tell you about the Dardenne Bros, right? You're just going to go check this out, right?
Thirst (Park Chan-wook)
Remember when superstylized sadist Park was world cinema's Great Korean Hope? That did not last long, did it? Well, he's back, with a vampire movie. We predict it will be extremely popular among people who have ever dressed up like Malcolm McDowell in a A Clockwork Orange for Halloween.
Cold Souls (Sophie Barthes)
Paul Giamatti, sort of playing himself, has his soul surgically extracted. No, Charlie Kaufman didn't write it, but because the writer-director's name sounds French, we're willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.
G.I Joe: The Rise of the Cobra (Stephen Sommers)
Because you all spent so much money on the last Saturday morning toy commercial turned movie, Transformers, greedy Hollywood producers have decided to give you some more. Open wide, America!
Julie & Julia (Nora Ephron)
Last year, we were exploring Prospect Park when we stumbled upon the shoot for this movie. A P.A. wouldn't let us cut through, and we had to walk all the way around it, wasting over an hour of our day. We imagine the movie will also be a way to waste over an hour of an otherwise nice day.
Paper Heart (Nicholas Jasenovec)
Is Michael Cera still funny after Nick and Norah? [Ed. Yes.] This might be his last chance. (You don't want to be in the Arrested Development movie why?)
Shorts (Robert Rodriguez)
For every Grindhouse and Once Upon a Time in Mexico there's a Sharkboy and Lavagirl. Stop, please?
A Perfect Getaway (David Twohy)
Someday, this Milla Jovovich asskick will be included in a retrospective, curated by L Mag editor-in-chief Jonny Diamond, entitled "Rescue Zahn: A Tribute to the Finest Supporting Actor of His Generation." [Ed. This is true.]
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (Neal Brennan)
Jeremy Piven survived mercury poisoning (too much dolphin meat?) so he could play a used-car salesman hired to turn a failing auto dealership around?
Ponyo (Hayao Miyazaki)
We once saw a Miyazaki movie in a theater so crowded we had to stand the whole time. And though we had to be hospitalized later for a buckled knee and faintness of the brain, it was worth it, because Miyazaki still draws everything by hand.