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Taking Woodstock (Ang Lee)
Word from Cannes is that this true story of a young gay man (Demetri Martin) who helps make Woodstock happen stinks. No! Really?

The Time Traveler's Wife (Robert Schwentke)
Hey, that book girls like has been turned into a movie!

AUGUST 19

The Headless Woman (Lucrecia Martel)
Embarrassingly, we slept through almost all of this elliptical Argentine headscratcher at last year's New York Film Festival ("Hypnotic!," we said). Thanks, Film Forum.

AUGUST 21

Art and Copy (Doug Pray)
A documentary about marketing is like product placement run amok.

Goose on the Loose (Nicholas Kendell)
That title cracks us up. Seriously. So does the idea of Chevy Chase trying to kill a talking goose. That doesn't mean we think you should see it under any circumstances.

Inglourious Basterds (Quentin Tarantino)
NB to the legion of copyeditors employed here at The L: STET.

The Post Grad (Vicky Jenson)
Do you think the fact that we can't make a living despite our advanced degrees is a joke? That you can put Alexis Bledel in a mortarboard and we'll laugh?

Still Walking (Hirokazu Kore-da)
Surprisingly, the title of the Japanese director's roundly lauded family drama is not a reference to his tendency to occasionally go on a bit (cf. Nobody Knows... When This Movie Will End).

World's Greatest Dad (Bobcat Goldthwait
Before laughing harder at the inexorable decline of Robin Williams than you've laughed at any Robin Williams movie since Insomnia, please note that strangled-voice comic Goldthwait's prior directorial outings include Shakes the Clown, "the Citizen Kane of alcoholic clown movies," and Sleeping Dogs Lie, the Au hasard Balthazar of movies about a woman who once gave her dog a beej.

AUGUST 28

The Boat that Rocked (Richard Curtis)
It's about pirates... of the radio waves! The boat rocks not like a cradle but like Alan Freed!

The Final Destination (David R. Ellis)
The Snakes on a Plane auteur presumably closes out this franchise, whose latest admits it's gone on too long by dropping "Part Four" from the title.

Halloween 2 (Robert Zombie, of the Woodbury, Connecticut Zombies)
Zombie burned up all the capital he'd accrued with The Devil's Rejects with his Halloween remake. Now that he's directing the sequel, we no longer have to consider him an "interesting" filmmaker.

Mesrine, Part One (Jean-François Riche)
This epic two-part biopic of the notorious French criminal of the 60s and 70s (Vincent Cassel) is, says a colleague, "everything Che should have been," thus confirming our suspicion that Fidel and Raul Castro should have been played by Ludivine Sagnier and Cecile de France.

SEPTMEMBER 4

All About Steve (Phil Traill)
Unbuckle your seatbelts, you're in for an unbumpy ride!

Extract (Mike Judge)
You know, Idiocracy wasn't as great as everyone said it was. (Among other things: satirical product placement is still product placement.) So, we anticipate this with great skepticism. We do love Jason Bateman though.

Gamer (Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor)
if u like video games, u love this we think lol.

Mesrine, Part Two (Um, presumably still Jean-François Riche)
Seriously. Just outfit them with comical fake beards and Groucho cigars. It'd be like Bananas!

Pandorum (Christian Alvart)
An "amnesia on a spaceship" premise and the summer's wackiest poster make us think this could be pretty awesome. We're not watching the trailer on purpose, so as not to be disillusioned.

Shanghai (Mikael Håfström)
Honestly, who hears "John Cusack's in it, and it's set in China during the 40s" and thinks "Awesome, let's pay over $10 to see it"? This is why, if they're smart, movies starring John Cusack and set in China during the 40s also cast Gong Li. Shanghai is like the Marilyn vos Savant of movies starring John Cusack and set in China during the 40s.