Youth is a time for experimentation and discovery, for expanding one’s horizons and learning about the great wide world, for taking chances and making mistakes, for pushing pumpkins off the roof and toilet-papering the dean’s RV…
Where he presides: Grassroots Tavern, East Village
Favorite drink: Finlandia and Tonic
I hate to say it, but I was more or less a straight arrow. Well, I never got caught, anyway. There’s a difference between not getting into trouble and not getting caught. There was this Miller High Life freight car that we emptied once when I was 17. I don’t know why we did it, but we got 40 or 50 cases of Miller High Life. This was in New York City, in Queens — and we never got caught. We got chased by the Long Island Railroad police for a while, but that was it.
Where she presides: Cabin, East Village
Favorite drink: Beer
The worst trouble I ever got in was for stealing a bale of hay from a scarecrow display in front of a barn. Two or three cop cars actually pulled up and surrounded us in a Mini-Mart. We tried to hide it with a jean jacket. I was at Kutztown University — one of Playboy’s top ten party schools at the time. The guy was actually going to press charges, but it turned out that I knew him. He’s like “Nikki, after all this time I’ve known you, you steal from me?” I was like “it’s a bale of hay.”
Where she presides: Cedar Tavern, Greenwich Village
Favorite drink: Guinness and Jameson
Oh, I got arrested a bunch of times in college. There was a drunk and disorderly. There was one time we had this giant snowball fight on campus and I hit a cop with a snowball. I got arrested for that. There was some trespassing, just going places on campus I wasn’t supposed to be. Throwing bottles at the apartment of this kid I didn’t get along with. I was at SUNY Purchase.
Where she presides: Lasagna Ristorante, Chelsea
Favorite drink: Cosmopolitan
I stabbed a teacher in the rear end with… what do you call those things? A thumb tack! Yes. I got a detention. Almost a suspension! He really had it coming. He was a big racist and absolutely nobody liked him. I’ll never forget that guy — my global studies teacher. I popped him while we were changing classes and he about jumped through the ceiling. He screamed too! The next Monday he got on the intercom to ask the person who stuck him to come clean — he made a big deal about being scared of AIDS. Moron. I finally admitted it. Everyone loved it. I’ll remember that till I’m dead.
Where she presides: Jake’s Saloon, Chelsea
Favorite drink: Guinness, Tequila
I skipped swim practice to smoke a joint in the parking lot with my friends. My coach caught me and kicked me off the team. He didn’t turn me into the school — he just called my parents and then asked me to leave the team. Now that I’m older, I realize I really wasn’t contributing to much to the swim team anyway. [Ed. A regular chimes in. “Oh man, I have to tell you my story. We were boozing pretty hard in the parking lot after a big football game. One thing led to another and evidently I made a rather sexually suggestive remark to a younger teacher who walked by the car. Well, the next thing I know the principal’s knocking at the window, and I’m fumbling with my keys to try and escape. For some reason I can’t find them. Well, the principal just takes one look at us and says: ‘You guys need to leave now.’ Weird, right? A bunch of drinking kids that just sexually insulted his employee? Now, call me crazy, but maybe that had something to do with my mom being his boss. Yeah, she was Superintendent.”]