The Bloodiest Battle of the Civil War 

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Danny just stood there not saying anything when we talked about him.

"He looks Chinese to me," said Tommy.

"There are different kinds of Chinese people," said Bobby.

"Dude, use your fucking imagination," I said. "It isn't real anyway. I say Danny can play. We can just pretend he's white. Who wants to be in the Confederacy?"

"Me!" said Jeff.

"Me!" said Bobby.

"That's not fucking fair," said Tommy. "If you're both part of the Confederacy then the Union has to just be me, Andy and Danny, and Andy's little and Danny doesn't even really get how to play."

"Fine," said Bobby. "I'll be Union."

The teams were fair: both the Union and the Confederacy were two big kids and one little kid. Then there was Danny.

"What do you want?" said Bobby. "Do you want to be in the Union Army or the Confederacy?"

Danny looked confused. He just shrugged. Neither me or Tommy gave a shit if he was on our side or not. Danny went with the Union because that's where Bobby was. So we were outnumbered, but so was the real Confederacy.

We decided that the barn on the other side of the creek was the South, the tree was the North and the creek was the Mason-Dixon Line. Me, Jacob and Jeff went out to the barn and Tommy, Andy, Bobby and Danny stayed at the tree.

We got to the barn and waited for a while before we began our advance. It's really dark in the barn and smells like shit, because there's a lot of horse shit in it. We creeped around in the grass and the bushes and came up to the creek. There was one time when me and Tommy found a huge dead fish on top of the dam in the creek. We picked it up and took turns carrying it home and told my mom to cook it for dinner. She said she wouldn't cook it because she didn't know how it died, and that we should throw it away and wash our hands really well.

This part's not that interesting. We just played around shooting each other, then getting back up and shooting each other some more. We played the game all day. I read a lot about the Civil War, and Antietam is my favorite battle because it was perhaps the bloodiest. But the problem with it is that it's one of the battles that nobody really won. The guy who wrote my Civil War book says it was "tactically inconclusive." So basically, a bunch of people just got together and killed each other and that was like, it.

But in our Battle of Antietam, the Confederacy won. Eventually me and Jacob and Jeff advanced north of the Mason-Dixon Line and routed the Union soldiers and took them prisoner. That was how you won our Civil War battles. You won when you got to the other side's base and took them all prisoner.

Me and Jacob were down on the ground pointing our guns at our POWs: Tommy, Andy and Bobby. All we had to do was capture the last Union soldier, who was Danny, and Danny had just run away when we attacked and now he was sitting up in the fucking tree, which was the Union headquarters. He wouldn't come down, and he wouldn't die when we shot him. The problem with Danny was that he didn't really understand the rules.


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