Neighborhood: Duh.

Age: Mid to late 40s, though excessive substance abuse has pickled him at a permanent Iggy Pop 30.

Occupation: Sound guy/bartender/promoter/pizza delivery/bike repair/bike courier/one-time Internet pornographer.

Rent: Over half of what he makes each month. Though he’s started subletting to Japanese tourists and couch surfing with friends.

Profile: This is the guy you end up beside at the bar and initially you think he’s cool but pretty soon you realize that he’s told that story about hanging out with Basquiat in the Indochine bathroom about a million times and every time you try to interject he just keeps going with his interminable loop of “real” East Village nostalgia. Ten years from now, he’ll be asking you to buy him a beer.

Under $30: He needs rock gear. Lucky 13 belt buckle with skull and wings. Yes. ($25, Live Fast, 57 Clinton St)

Surefire: He really needs a friend who won’t dip into his stash when his back is turned. Adopt a rescued pooch from Earth Angels. (

Fantasy Gift: Though he had a couple of gigs at CBGB back in the day, he never really got anywhere. Maybe because he didn’t have the right guitar. (Fender Limited Edition 1966 Classic Stratocaster, $3,500, Sam Asch, 160 W. 48th St)
The Counterintuitive Gift: He may be one of those “analog only” zealots, but perhaps it’s because he’s never heard digital through the head of a tiny plastic dog. Yes, get him the new iDog speaker toy. ($25, Toys R Us, 1514 Broadway)


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