Age: A lean, razor-sharp 42
Occupation: Gallery owner/art dealer
Rent: For a time in the late 80s she slept in the back of the gallery, but now has enough art stars in her constellation to pay $3,600.
Profile: Every day she curses her folksy (read tacky) Midwestern roots, but has enough internal Agent Orange for total deracination. Came to New York in 1983 to go to art school and became disillusioned at all the no-talent hacks making it ahead of her; so she decided to start making money exploiting them. Doesn’t know it, but she made out with the East Village Burnout in a low moment at the Mudd Club.
Under $30: She talks about coffee blends the way wine nerds talk about vintages. Impress her with Hawaiian Kona from Saint Mark’s Coffee and Tea ($24.95/lb, 40 1/2 St. Mark’s Place)
Surefire: Even though there are crazy old ladies on the Upper East Side with stacks of old magazines holding down the lids of hatboxes, you can pay $150 for a 1935 Harper’s Bazaar, featuring cover art by legendary French artist Erté. Trust us, she’ll love it. (Gallagher’s, 126 E. 12th St)
Fantasy Gift: She’s worked damn hard to become the urbane sophisticate she is today — but all she’s ever wanted is a pony. Now that she’s considering that property in the Hudson Valley why not adopt one from an animal sanctuary? (Catskill Animal Sanctuary, 845-336-8447, $300 adoption fee)
The Counterintuitive Gift: Clearly, this woman needs to loosen up. Jackass on DVD. Seriously. (tlavideo.com, $29.99)