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Mrs. Henderson Presents (Stephen Frears)
Judi Dench! 1930s England! Nudity! Bob Hoskins!
The World’s Fastest Indian (Roger Donaldson)
Anthony Hopkins stars as world land speed record-holding motorcycle racer Bert Munro. Yeah, we don’t know either.
King Kong (Peter Jackson)
damn-well-pleases project is a remake of what he says is his favorite movie.
The 3 Burials of Melaquiades Estrada (Tommy Lee Jones)
One-week qualifying run before its proper opening in early February. Awesome title, by the way.
The Family Stone (Thomas Bezucha)
It’s about a family, named Stone... um... we got nothing.
The Producers (Susan Stroman)
Yeah, it’s a movie based on a musical based on a movie, and it’s all very circular and ironic. Yeah.
Cheaper by the Dozen 2 (Adam Shankman)
Mark your calendars.
Fun With Dick and Jane (Dean Parisot)
Because we have nothing of interest to say, we’ll relate to you the titles of the discussion threads about this film on imdb.com. They are: “What do you think is the Best Jim Carrey Movie???” The Coffee Shop Guy in the Trailer is soooo hot” “5 BEST COMEDIANS OF ALL TIME” “Good, but not great” “Fun with Dick and Jane is Jim Carrey’s first movie remake” and “I NEED ACE VENTURA 3!!” Oh, wait, we started that one.
The White Countess (James Ivory)
The first Merchant-Ivory production since Merchant’s recent death features a 1930s Shanghai-set original script from Remains of the Day novelist Kazuo Ishiguro (somehow, the prospect of a Merchant-Ivory adaptation of Never Let Me Go seems... unlikely?), not one but two (count ‘em!) Redgraves, and two thirds of the cinematographers of 2046.
Cache (Michael Haneke)
The perfectly wicked darling of the Cannes and New York festivals; it’s chilling, but A.O. Scott’s “bourgeois self-flagellation as self-congratulation” diagnosis of its likely audience is probably spot-on.
Freedomland (Joe Roth)
Which will have to work damn hard to overcome its title.
The Libertine (Laurence Dunmore)
Johnny Depp is the Libertine. But you already knew that.
Munich (Steven Spielberg)
Because everybody loves a feel-good holiday movie, a film about a secret team of Mossad agents tracking down and killing those involved, or suspected to have been involved, in the 1972 kidnapping and murder of eleven members of the Israeli Olympic team.
The Matador (Richard Shepard)
Clever conceit — worn-out hitman spills life story to a stranger in a bar, only to run into him again, like, how awkward-— shares a title and little else with the 80s Almodovar flick that is undisputedly The Single Most Fun Movie Title To Say While Doing A Terrible Impression Of Antonio Banderas. (Seriously, try it.)
The Ringer (Barry W. Blaustein)
Johnny Knoxville pretends to be disabled to win the Special Olympics, in an astoundingly perfect union of performer and role.
Casanova (Lasse Hallstrom)
Somehow, we look upon Heath Ledger as Casanova with slightly less credulity than we regard Depp as The Libertine.