In December, record store clerks give you a brief reprieve from their horrible attitudes. If you look like you might be even the slightest bit cool, they assume the Josh Groban CD you sheepishly bring to the counter is not for you, but most likely a Christmas present for your mother.
During the other 11 months of the year, you could just lie. You could tell them it’s your little cousin’s 12th birthday party when you head to the register with the Jojo record in the middle of June. But lying is never good, so I don’t recommend it. I’m also not an idiot, so nor do I recommend owning up to your shitty taste. No, I recommend the Internet, where you’re free to indulge your every embarrassing whim, which should include these choice tracks.
Kelly Clarkson – “Since You Been Gone”
It’s possibly the best song to hit mainstream radio in five years, and definitely the best to come from an American Idol contestant. Kelly Clarkson sheds the teen-pop image of her first record and rocks out like all your favorite bands stopped doing a few years ago.
Lindsay Lohan – “Rumors”
Okay, this song is terrible. But there are few things more fascinating than the actress-as-singer shtick, and everyone’s favorite piece of Long Island white trash has got it down perfectly. Her vocals are totally processed and she sings about — what else? — paparazzi following her around. On her next single, she’ll explain what it was like to have sex with Bruce Willis in the bathroom of a club. You know, the kind of stuff every teenage girl can relate to.
John Mayer – “Daughters”
Ever since I got over the fact that he spoke fondly of people wearing white baseball caps in his first single, I’ve kind of liked this dude. He’s pretty unassuming, doesn’t wear stupid clothes, and can play the shit out of his guitar.