The Naked and The Chaste 


Dear Audrey,
I'm a guy married to a guy. Another friend of ours, a photographer, has a project he has been doing that involves taking nude-but-not-necessarily-sexual pictures of men. A couple of our friends have done it and had a great time, so I was super flattered when he asked me to participate. I told my husband and he got mad and said no way. What the hell? He's married to me but he doesn't own me! He said he wanted my nudity all to himself, that the idea of naked pictures of me out there made him unhappy. Is that fair?

Unfortunately, being married isn't always about what is fair! Downer, I know. Here's how I see marriage, as a nonreligious person: it's a contract you enter into with another person. The terms of this contract are determined entirely by the people entering into the contract. So can a marriage be non-monogamous? Yes, so long as you both consent. Must married people live together? Must they share finances? Of course not. Obviously the "rules" can and do evolve, in most marriages, as the people in the marriage change and grow.
My point is simply that there's not some universal set of rules and regs when it comes to what's right in a relationship. It's whatever you and your spouse decide. Of course your husband doesn't own you, but presumably part of your commitment to each other involves giving up part of your sexual freedom in exchange for having part of his sexuality to yourself. So while some kind of marital review board might not rule that taking nudie pix is cheating, and while I personally wouldn't necessarily have a problem with my spouse doing it, if your husband says he's not cool with it, it would be a pretty dick move to go ahead and do it. If you guys talk about it and you explain why it's important to you and he changes his mind, then awesome. But you know, part of marriage is putting up with another human's dumb ideas and unreasonable requests.

Dear Audrey,
For reasons I'd rather not get into, I ejaculate very, very infrequently. In fact, I try not to ever ejaculate. But I've read that not ejaculating often enough could cause prostate cancer. So what's the least amount I can ejaculate to be safe?

From what I can tell about the research, the idea that frequent ejaculation helps to prevent prostate cancer is only a theory. Apparently, carcinogens can build up in the prostate, so flushing out your holding tank frequently might prevent carcinogenic compounds from hanging out in your prostate and acting on those cells.
I found one study that said men who ejaculate five times a week were one third less likely to get prostate cancer, but that was a very small sample. It seems to me that there are so many factors that contribute to any cancer, including some things we don't even know about yet, that you probably shouldn't worry too much about frequency of ejaculation, if it's unpleasant or difficult for you. In general, research seems to point to the idea that safe, pleasurable sex is good for most humans. So if you're the sort of person who likes to ejaculate, do! But what's healthy for some people isn't for others, and if ejaculating is not your thing, I wouldn't sweat it.

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