Is there such a thing as bad naked? Especially with a new partner — can you turn them off if you let it all hang out too early? I mean, I know nobody expects you to look like a porn star, but how self-conscious should you be, at least until you reach a more unconditional part of the relationship? (I’m a woman, by the way.)
Well obviously it’s possible to turn someone off with your nudity. The same way that it’s possible to turn someone off by telling/showing them anything that, while a wonderful and important part of you, isn’t necessarily something you show to just anybody. Like your 19th-century erotic daguerreotype collection or your weird family.
But generally, unless you have some mighty unusual physiognomy, people can pretty much tell what’s under there long before your clothes come off. I would guess that the majority of men who’d be turned off by overnudity fall into two camps: the extremely inexperienced and the guy who fancies himself a lothario and therefore has a long list of physical “dealbreakers” (note: these two are far, far from mutually exclusive, if you get my meaning).
So what I’m saying is that anyone who would get squicked out by the birthday suit of a lady he’s seen clothed and wanted to have sex with is likely a) not the sort of guy anyone would want to date and b) going to find out about whatever you’re trying to hide anyway.
Which is a long-winded way of saying: you shouldn’t be self-conscious at all. I know I sound like your mom here, but it is 100% true that confidence is hot, and a woman who can be comfortable naked — especially if she has a body that doesn’t conform in some way to our shitty societal standards of beauty — will inspire far more boners than the self-loathing, apologetic or lights-off-insistent.
I mean, don’t get weird about it: parading naked around the house of a guy who has roommates will just make everyone uncomfortable. But I think you get the idea.
If you notice that one partner (in this case, me) is always noisier during sex than the other, should you take it down a notch? Are some people annoyed/freaked out by this? Also, for the quiet types, how is their partner supposed to know if they’re enjoying it?
Y’know, some people are just loud and some people aren’t, is my experience. I do suspect that the loudies are largely female. Not to say that there aren’t male loudies out there, but I’d wager that in a significant proportion of hetero loud/quiet pairings, it is the lady who is the loud one.
I think girls develop a loud style because it is an alinguistic way of guiding her partner. It can get tiresome to be always doing the, “left no up no other left ok now poke with your fingernail” thing, and sex noise is a much sexier way to play the vagina hot/cold game.
So I do think that noisiness serves a purpose, and also that many people find sex noise to be arousing, as evidenced by the continued existence of phone sex lines and also songs where a lady sounds like she’s having an orgasm during part of it.
But, of course, there’s someone out there who hates sex noise. And some noisy people yell to the point of being audible to neighbors or roommates, which can be embarrassing. As with all things, the only way to tell is by observing and communicating with your partner, which also happens to be the preferred method for telling if quiet types are enjoying themselves.
A simple, “Am I too loud?” or, “Is this good for you?” should clear up most uncertainties. As a general rule though, I would say to loudies to go ahead and be loud: do not hide your sex light under a bushel.