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FORMERLY EMPLOYED:Gabe Liedman
What was your title and what did the
job entail?
Ex-Script Writer for a Giant Media Conglomerate That Shall Remain Nameless.
Has leaving an office setting given you a chance to pursue your dreams?
I’ve achieved 100 percent of my dreams related to masturbating and destabilizing my credit report. Creatively, I’ve also gotten to do a lot that I wouldn’t have been able to before, and I’m super grateful for that.
Do you keep in touch with your former co-workers?
Thank God for Facebook. I know how my old coworkers dress these days, who they’re dating, whether they’ve found new jobs, and where they go at night. So, we’re basically still friends, though we only really see pictures of each other.
What do you miss most about office culture? And the least?
The thing I miss the most about office work is direct deposit. What I miss the least is Times Square. Try and find a healthy lunch there, for serious.
Was there a moment when you realized “office life isn’t for me”?
I actually had the “office life isn’t for me” thought like four years ago, when I was someone’s executive assistant.
I was like: NO (which is the wrong answer in that position). But, to be a grownup, sometimes you have to work in an office. C’est la vie.
Was your office more The Office or Mad Men?
My old office definitely had a boy’s club vibe, like Mad Men, but was not at all sexy or dangerous like that show. So, in a way, it was kind of like The Office, except no one was in love with each other. If anything, it was like the movie Bugsy Malone, because everyone there was surprisingly young, across the board.
Where do you steal office supplies
from now?
My roommate is still an office guy, and he’s got a Staples card. Ka-ching. I’ve got ink cartridges out the wazoo.
What are three things you think someone should know on their first few days outside of the office?
1. You still have to wake up early. I know it seems like you don’t, but you’ll become an asshole if you don’t.
2. The Golden Girls is on both Hallmark and Oxygen, in huge blocks throughout the day and night.
3. Yesterday’s coffee is today’s iced coffee. From the coffee shop, or at home. K?
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