The Video Game Review: Mortal Kombat: Deception
 

In the world of fighting-games, there used to be two types of people: Street-Fighter-guys and Mortal Kombat-guys. A time came when both these titles lost their respective allure, and everyone became Tekken-guys. Not me. I was always a straight Street-Fighter. I remember dabbling with MK when it first broke, and used the fighter Sub-Zero because his moves were mostly the same as SF’s Ryu’s button-wise. However, I never cared for the “realistic” graphics or the controls of MK. I never got anywhere with the game, could never master the legendary fatality moves, and basically didn’t care.

Try to keep this in mind as I attempt to review the latest edition to the MK saga, Mortal Kombat: Deception. I got the game, loaded it in my Gamecube, and spent the better half of the night trying to be entertained. Surprisingly, this damn game required 58 blocks of my memory card to create a data file, and I was forced to erase most of my old data. But that wasn’t enough for this fucker. So, I reluctantly got rid of my sacred Zelda and Resident Evil 4 data, erasing my entire card for this game. If that time machine I built worked, I’d get all of my old shit back post-haste. Fuck the Kennedy assassination, I spent days on that old data.

Finally, already annoyed, I started playing. The graphics and load times are less than impressive. The gore level is nice but cartoon-ish, and the characters are as stiff as petrified turds. The progression of fight difficulty goes from easy to intensely difficult after three fights. Besides straight fighting, there’s a Tetris-style game and some RPG/adventure style game called Konquest. Boredom and disgust attacked me simultaneously. I wouldn’t recommend this game to my blind, dead grandmammy for fear of offending her sensibilities.

Best Feature: The puzzle game was all right, but hell you can play Tetris for free on your cell-phone.
Worst Feature: My precious blocks of data I was forced to erase for this shit-burger.
Weirdest Feature: The solid bowel movement induced by playing the Konquest adventure.

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