The Voice Goes Silent

I am used to the President’s press conferences being disasters, and those disasters being Schadenfreude’d for months by elitist liberals. But no matter how much the loony left whine — and, next to killing innocent babies in the womb, and wasting my tax dollars on emergency medical care for poor babies, whining is their favorite activitiy — they can’t un-re-elect him just by reminding us that he has the vocal capacities of that slow kid in your fourth-grade math class. Oh, those freaks will whimper about how, just like Max with the flat-top and alcoholic dad from down the street did when Mr. Wolf asked him to divide twenty-six by two, President Bush stares ahead in total silence after a member of the press asks him why he plans to obliterate food stamps for working families. “Are you just going to let these people die?” the clueless left whines, not aware that by choosing to answer that question by drooling down his sleeve, the President is actually giving America’s poories the most beautiful gift of all, something his administration has been selfless enough to disregard entirely so that this country’s low-income losers can have even more of it: personal responsiblity. And I am sure that the four minutes of downtime these people enjoy between shifts will now be spent upgrading to covenant marriages instead of that lazy practice of eating crappy food to survive.

Because the liberal media is so cruel to our President, it was a divine blessing when Jeff Gannon, a reporter from the Talon News Service, asked the President the following question:

“Senate Democratic leaders have painted a very bleak picture of the U.S. economy. Harry Reid was talking about soup lines… Yet in the same breath they say that Social Security is rock solid and there’s no crisis there. How are you going to work… with people who seem to have divorced themselves from reality?”

Now that is what I call journalism with integrity. I don’t see what the big deal is. I mean, just because Rush Limbaugh himself bragged that Gannon took the bit about the Senate Whininority Leader and soup lines directly from his show, and that it wasn’t anything Senator Hairy Weed actually said, doesn’t make him any less of a valued member of the press. And just because the witchhunts of the rabid left “blogo-squeer” have discovered that Jeff Gannon also owns the domain name “” doesn’t mean that the Talon articles about the triumphant exodus from the Satanic binds of homosexuality are any less vaild.

But you liberal wackos just couldn’t let Jeff, who had the patriotism to use a fake name instead of his real one, James Guckert (which, face it, makes him sound like a homo), engage in freedom of speech. No, you’ve gagged him (and not in the hot way that he military studs on his website have been gagged), and now he will never rehash White House press releases verbatim and file them as “news stories” for the web site ever, ever again. A visit to his web site (no, not “,” I mean “”) shows nothing but a 1995-era gray HTML background and a chilling proclamation: “The voice goes silent.”

Look what you did, liberals. Look at the voice you silenced. Do you think I am just going to sit here while you ruin another of journalism’s few good names? Who’s next, Sean Hannity? Brit Hume? ANN COULTER? I can’t let this happen without some form of protest, and so I am proud to tell you that I have arranged to become afflicted with acute laryngitis at precisely the time of this writing. Yes, that’s right, as I bemoan Jeff Gannon’s voice going “silent,” my voice, my literal, dulcet, free-ringing weapon of punditry, is also silent. It’s a magnificent and brilliant gesture, if I do say so myself. Except, of course, I can’t.


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