The Warm Weather: Global Warming or Fluke?
by Adam Bonislawski
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The debate over what to do about global climate change is heating up (ha!), and some of the rhetoric coming from both sides can seem extreme to the point of being laughable. As usual, the bartenders have the most sensible approach to the situation.
Jen
Where she presides: Surf Bar, Williamsburg
Favorite drink: Mai Tai
[Our intrepid correspondent’s talk with Jen began with a brief ontological discussion as she explained that she was not actually a bartender. Our intrepid correspondent countered that as she was, in fact, standing behind a bar, she was, for his purposes, at least, close enough. She then reluctantly but graciously submitted to his questioning.] I think it’s global warming. Yes. [Can you remember another winter this warm in New York?] No.
Jake
Where he presides: Jake’s Saloon, Chelsea
Favorite drink: Grey Goose Bloody Mary
I think this winter’s probably just an aberration, but that’s not what you want to hear from a bartender, is it? [At this point, Jake affects a large, sarcastic wink and lowers his voice a notch.] Listen pal, the truth is, global warming was concocted by Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld while they were working in the Ford Administration. When Ford died, that was the trigger for phase two. It’s all a part of their plan for world domination. Don’t ask me how I know. [At this point, a regular chimes in with: ‘Hey, sounds like Jake’s Saloon endorsed global warming… c’mon in and grab a cold one!’] How’s that for an answer?
Natalie
Where she presides: Chelsea
Favorite drink: Maker’s Mark Manhattan
It’s absolutely global warming! I’ve lived here my whole life and the weather gets warmer every winter. And it’s never been like this. It just keeps heating up. It’s pretty clear the atmosphere needs help. So even if this winter happens to be a freak occurrence and not related to global warming, it’s still good that it’s making people aware of the real problem.
Ryan
Where he presides: Spike Hill, Williamsburg
Favorite drink: Gin and tonic
I would say it’s a little bit of both [By which our good sir means global warming and a statistical anomaly.] I believe in global warming, but I don’t think it causes changes as sudden as this. I believe it’s obviously happening, but it’s not the sole cause of the weather we’re having.
Dennis
Where he presides: U Lounge, Flatiron
Favorite drink: Long Island Iced Tea
This is just a hunch, but I think the warm weather is just a blip. I think we’re fine. I think we’ll be fine for a long time. I still recycle. I even think about saving energy. But I think I’ll just enjoy my warm winter and not worry too much.
Jen
Where she presides: Surf Bar, Williamsburg
Favorite drink: Mai Tai
[Our intrepid correspondent’s talk with Jen began with a brief ontological discussion as she explained that she was not actually a bartender. Our intrepid correspondent countered that as she was, in fact, standing behind a bar, she was, for his purposes, at least, close enough. She then reluctantly but graciously submitted to his questioning.] I think it’s global warming. Yes. [Can you remember another winter this warm in New York?] No.
Jake
Where he presides: Jake’s Saloon, Chelsea
Favorite drink: Grey Goose Bloody Mary
I think this winter’s probably just an aberration, but that’s not what you want to hear from a bartender, is it? [At this point, Jake affects a large, sarcastic wink and lowers his voice a notch.] Listen pal, the truth is, global warming was concocted by Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld while they were working in the Ford Administration. When Ford died, that was the trigger for phase two. It’s all a part of their plan for world domination. Don’t ask me how I know. [At this point, a regular chimes in with: ‘Hey, sounds like Jake’s Saloon endorsed global warming… c’mon in and grab a cold one!’] How’s that for an answer?
Natalie
Where she presides: Chelsea
Favorite drink: Maker’s Mark Manhattan
It’s absolutely global warming! I’ve lived here my whole life and the weather gets warmer every winter. And it’s never been like this. It just keeps heating up. It’s pretty clear the atmosphere needs help. So even if this winter happens to be a freak occurrence and not related to global warming, it’s still good that it’s making people aware of the real problem.
Ryan
Where he presides: Spike Hill, Williamsburg
Favorite drink: Gin and tonic
I would say it’s a little bit of both [By which our good sir means global warming and a statistical anomaly.] I believe in global warming, but I don’t think it causes changes as sudden as this. I believe it’s obviously happening, but it’s not the sole cause of the weather we’re having.
Dennis
Where he presides: U Lounge, Flatiron
Favorite drink: Long Island Iced Tea
This is just a hunch, but I think the warm weather is just a blip. I think we’re fine. I think we’ll be fine for a long time. I still recycle. I even think about saving energy. But I think I’ll just enjoy my warm winter and not worry too much.
