I’m a straight, married, generally normal guy—except that I have a serious fetish for “little girl things” like knee socks, pleated skirts, pigtails, white cotton underwear, that kind of thing. For a long time my wife was happy to indulge me, but lately she’s been turning me down. At first she said she was just tired of doing it, but then later she said it kind of freaked her out that that’s all I wanted because maybe it meant that I’m actually into little girls. I don’t think that I am, but it made me question myself. What should I do?
It seems to me you have two separate issues here. Number one is whether or not you’re a pedophile. If you’ve had a happy sex life with your adult wife for a long time, I suspect that you are not, but only you can know your most secret desires. Even if you are, deep down, repressing some harmful sexual desires, if you aren’t acting on them (and here, “acting on them” means watching child porn or contributing in any way to the harm of a child), then maybe it isn’t really that important.
But like, if you go into any kind of fetish shop or browse porn at all, you know that “adult woman dressed as a teen girl/child” is an exceedingly common trope. I mean, knee socks, a plaid skirt, and pigtails are the cliché of dressing up sexy for role play, right? You’re not the only person who is into this stuff. There are a million reasons why little girl/big daddy resonates culturally, and likely most of them have to do with the patriarchy and shit like that. Which is not great, but is a concern for another day.
I think you can have a conversation with your wife to assure her that you have no desire to fuck anyone underage, just a desire to fuck her in a schoolgirl outfit. But the second issue is that it sounds like your wife is kind of sick of the whole schoolgirl thing. That’s pretty fair! Having to go find a clean pair of white panties to get your husband to want to do you sounds like a drag.
I know you can’t help what turns you on; who knows why any of us are wired the way we are? But it sounds like she’s been pretty cool about accommodating your fetish, so maybe you can suck it up and accommodate her. There’s got to be a certain amount of give-and-take to the whole thing, you know?
You’re going to need to try your best to find a way to get excited about the kind of sex she wants to have, too, whether that’s just occasional sex in grown up clothes or something else she has in mind. This will almost certainly involve a long, possibly difficult conversation about what you’re both happy and unhappy with in your sex life. Those conversations can be awkward, but they tend to really, REALLY improve the sex lives of people in long-term relationships that have hit a snag.
I’d be less concerned that you are secretly some kind of monster and more concerned that you haven’t really been paying attention to your wife’s interests and desires. Surely there’s room for compromise there. And if you’re not getting enough pigtails? Dude, that’s what the Internet is for.