Year round, we all want stuff. And we know exactly what it is we want. We scrimp and save to buy it, we covet its image in catalogues and on websites — but when Christmas comes around, we seem to forget what exactly it was we really wanted, so instead we end up with a bunch of random crap. Well bartenders, here’s your chance to go on record.
    
ALEX
Where he presides: The Raven, East Village
Favorite drink: Jameson
I’m actually Jewish, so that’s not really my thing, you know. But, besides, I’m not really a big presents guy. I tell you what, I just got married, so I’ve got everything I want.
    
KARIN
Where she presides: Rififi, East Village
Favorite drink: Seltzer? I dunno, I don’t drink
I don’t know. Wait. Actually, I do know. I just text-messaged my mom and asked her to get me prescription sunglasses — which might be the dorkiest thing ever. That’s so embarrassing to answer.
    
MIKE
Where he presides: Detour, East Village
Favorite drink: Budweiser
[Pauses for a few moments] I’m stupefied. What is there to get the man who has everything? [Down the bar a dog has been barking for the last minute or so] How about a muzzle for that dog? [Laughs. Then insists our intrepid correspondent take a free shot to buffet him against the elements before he goes. It is tasty in the way that perhaps only free liquor can be. Mike is now one of our favorite people. Tip him well.]
    
GERRY
Where he presides: Lederhosen, Greenwich Village
Favorite drink: Rumpelmintz
My two front teeth. Have you heard of that song?  [Ed. Yeah Gerry, we’ve heard it.]  Wait, I want a day off. That’s something I haven’t had in a long time. Wait, let me ask my wife. What do I want for Christmas, honey?  Tickets to Germany?  Munich. That sounds good.
    
CARRIE
Where she presides: Art Bar, West Village
Favorite drink: Patrón and cranberry
I’ve stopped making Christmas lists. But I think having a PSP would be cool. [Ed. Uh, what’s that?]  It’s like a Gameboy, only from Playstation, and way, way more advanced than you remember the Gameboy was. Really cool.
    
SARAH
Where she presides: Social, Midtown West
Favorite drink: Apple martini
I’d like a month’s rent. That would put me back on track. I live in Washington Heights, a three bedroom, but it’s still a good chunk of change.
    
THAI
Where she presides: The Rum House, Times Square
Favorite drink: The Third Reich
I’m buying a house in Pennsylvania, so I’d have to say tools. It’s my first house, so I’m gonna need them. Yeah, it’s pretty far out of the city — about 98 miles. I come in three or four times a week. My kids, what do they want? Well I have two boys who’re both pretty into Power Rangers. My daughter’s too young to know what she wants, so she’ll be easy this year. Obviously, she’s getting clothes.
    
SARAH
Where she presides: Latitude, Midtown West
Favorite drink: Gimlet
This is a random one, but I really need a dress form. I’m a designer and I actually don’t have one right now. They cost about three or four hundred dollars. Yes, that’s something Mom might be able to come through with. What else? I don’t know. I suck at Christmas — I never know what I want. [Ed. You and me both, Sarah.]