What Was Your First Job?
by Ryan Vlastelica
Ryan
Hailed in:Soho
Hails from:St. Louis
Note: What follows is an abbreviated version of an extended conversation between two Ryans, in which we addressed each other by name incessantly and reminisced about the apparently universal experience of going home with shoes squishy with blood.
Well, other Ryan, I worked at KFC in high school. [Holy shit, other Ryan, me too!] God, fucking unbelievable, right other Ryan? [Totally, other Ryan. I don't even like to walk within 10 feet of one now.] Well I still eat there, if you can believe it, but yeah. Not if I can help it. I did all the frying, what did you do? [Cash register, mostly. I was the only person there who wasn't missing any teeth.] Are you suggesting that they put the ugly people in the back, other Ryan?
Andrew
Hailed in:Midtown
Hails from:Outside Chicago
You know what I did? I was an assassinating gigolo. I killed people for money and I fucked hot rich women. Yep, typical summer job, really. No. I'm bored, sorry. Yeah, I just worked in my uncle's grocery store. I grew up nearby, so I just helped out around the store sweeping and stuff. Paid two bucks a day, which is really terrible now that I think about it.
Kenny
Hailed in:Hell's Kitchen
Hails from:The Bronx
This is my first job, actually. My parents wouldn't let me work in high school because they wanted me to study. I didn't, though; I just smoked a lot of pot. My grades were shitty, but that just made my parents think I needed to study more. So I did summer school, which meant no summer jobs. Then I dropped out of college and started doing this, so this is the first time I get a paycheck. You're paying me for this interview, right? [No.] Fuck you.
Oburu
Hailed in:Washington Square
Hails from:Kenya
I went to boarding school, so I guess my first job was working there in the cafeteria. I washed dishes and served food, which was terrible because I hated serving all the people I hated, but I needed the money. I didn't even really get the money, it all went towards paying for my tuition and room and everything. I had to do it pretty much the whole time I was there, too, since I could never get jobs working other places. I wanted to work for a professor, but my grades weren't good enough.
Louis
Hailed in:Union Square
Hails from:Reno
I was a paper boy, actually, which sounds so quaint now. Do they even still have those anymore? They must. I don't know; I don't actually subscribe to a paper anymore. I should though. It was an ok job. I liked riding my bike and throwing the papers made me an awesome pitcher in Little League. I hated getting up early, though. What time do you need to wake up for work? [Around 5:45am. Ed. Wtf?] Right, so you know. That sucked. But if I was really tired, or if it was raining or something, my dad drove me along my route, which was the best. We'd just sit in the car with the heater blasting, talking baseball. Actually I quit the job when my folks divorced.
