What’s the Best/Worst Pickup You’ve Seen?

Where she presides:    Milanos, Houston St.
Favorite drink:    Water
“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” “You must be tired, because you’ve been lying around in my head all day.” “Somebody better call God, because he’s missing an angel.” “Did anyone ever tell you you’re beautiful.” Well, yes. Drunks like you tell me quite a bit. [Ed. Nicki, indeed beautiful, continues laughing ironically] Ok, those are basically what I put up with in here. The best line I ever heard from one customer to another? Well here’s one I’ve seen work: “Can I clear you a seat?”
Where he presides:    Barrow Street Ale House, West Village
Favorite drink:        Jim Beam and Coke
There’s too many good ones and too many bad ones to even describe. Some are so bad you can’t even believe they work. Mostly it’s just like your standard-ass pickup line. For sure the worst one that worked was this guy talking to this woman all night about how horrible his ex-wife was. The woman gets up and goes to the bathroom, and the guy gets on the phone, calls his wife and says “Honey, I’m gonna be home late, tonight.” The worst thing was, the woman was on her phone in the bathroom calling her husband doing the same thing. And they both walked out of the bar together. The worst one that didn’t work was this guy talking to this woman — you know how there’s supposedly 1,001 things to do with duct tape? — well, he was telling her about the other ten uses. The look of shock on this woman’s face as he was describing what he did with duct tape...

Where he presides: Four-Faced Liar, Greenwich Village
Favorite drink:  Guinness and a shot of Powers
Here’s the best one: There was a lady sitting in the corner over there two or three years ago — not particularly attractive. Kind of portly actually. But she approached a gentleman sitting next to her and said, “I’m a dominatrix. Are you into that?” The guy nodded his head, put a twenty under his glass, and walked out with her. The worst line I ever heard was,”You have beautiful breasts.” Yeah! This guy from Long Island was just slobbering drunk and tried that one. No, she didn’t take to it so well, so I had to throw him out. Incidentally, she really did have beautiful breasts.
Where she presides:    Barrow’s Pub, West Village
Favorite drink:    Dirty Martini
Oh Lord. I don’t know if this is one of the best or one of the worst, but I’ll just tell you. There was a woman in here and she wanted someone to buy her a drink. She was trying to pick up this guy who was sitting there just trying to have lunch and a drink. She told this guy that she didn’t have any money on her that day, but that she was rich and that if he’d buy her a drink, she’d take him out and buy him a mink coat the next day. He didn’t buy her a drink. Then she started sitting over here on the barstool flashing the guy — she didn’t have any underwear on.
Where he presides:  Laila Lounge, Williamsburg
Favorite drink:         Maker’s Mark and Ginger Ale
The best pickup line if someone is attractive is just, “you wanna go home and fuck — I live right around the corner.” That’s a good one. Oh yeah, I’ve seen it work. The worst I ever heard was some guy say to a girl, “What are you drinking?” She said Jack and Coke or something, and he says, “Oh, that’s what my great-great-great grandfather used to drink.” Like that’s gonna get you anywhere. Who cares what your great-great-great grandfather used to drink?


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