What's the Deal With Sex in Cabs?
by Brian DiedrickMUSTAFA
Where I hailed him: Chelsea
Where he hails from: Syria
Years as a cabbie: 12
Previous profession: Automotive
I have a special strategy for dealing with this. If I see people are about to start having sex, I keep asking the directions to where they’re going. I just keep talking. If they ignore me I stop the car to get their attention. It has never failed to work. Most people are naturally nice enough to give directions. It is a deception. I know just where I am going. Finally they get the idea. And by that time, we are at the destination. Yes, I have shared this trick with a few of my friends. Yes, they find it works too.
JAMAL
Where I hailed him: Union Square
Where he hails from: Queens
Years as a cabbie: 3
Previous profession: Fast food
I’ve seen it all man. Oral sex. Sex sex. You name it. Somebody’s always making out every damn night. It must be the divider. I can’t see all that much. But I can hear it. That’s for damn sure. Whatever, I’ve done it myself a couple times. Who hasn’t? You make a mess though, I’m gonna be pissed. You’re gonna’ clean it up.
KATANE
Where I hailed him: Midtown East
Where he hails from: Liberia
Years as a cabbie: 5
Previous profession: Retail
Three people last year — they had an orgy all the way to Brooklyn. Well, they weren’t actually having sex I guess. Just kissing and touching. My friend told me they had probably taken ecstasy. Two girls and a guy — lucky guy. The tip was good. They all seemed to be in a very good mood. A little out of it, but a very good mood. This is a good story. I do not care for it when people actually try to have sex in the back. Yes, it’s happened. Do people imagine I am not there? I guess if they are drinking they do, yes.
HASSAN
Where I hailed him: East Village
Where he hails from: Sudan
Years as a cabbie: 11
Previous profession: Tractor-trailer driver
I don’t let anybody do that in my car. Not even kissing. I tell them, this isn’t hotel room. I tell them I’m driving, it’s distracting. If you want to get in another cab, that is fine, but I can’t do it. I’ll let you out and you can get another cab. Back in ‘96, ‘97 there used to be a lot of hookers around 25th and Park Avenue. One night I picked up a guy around there. He says, ‘I need to pick up my girlfriend.’ So, we go pick her up — a blonde with like white stockings. And they are back there. And I hear her say, ‘are we going to do it here?’ I slam on the brakes so hard his head almost comes into the front of the cab. Not in here! It is just disrespectful, you know? It is not just a cab, it is my home for the night.
ROBERT
Where I hailed him: Murray Hill
Where he hails from: Ivory Coast
Years as a cabbie: 5
Previous profession: Restaurant work
Ha — a few weeks ago this guy and lady get in the car. They are in the back and they start kissing and they are talking too. Very quiet. I can’t hear what they are saying. Then suddenly the woman starts to yell at him. Really loud. Then she tells me to stop the cab. So I pull over and they both get out and she is yelling at him, and then she pushes him and he steps back and trips over the curb and falls down right on his back. Then she gets back in the cab and tells me to go on. Just like that. Like nothing had happened.
