What’s Your Dream Apartment?
by Marian Lorraine
Our dream apartment is pretty much Mary Richards’ place on The Mary Tyler Moore Show: exquisite early 70s Minnesotan modernism, two levels on one floor and, of course, the greatest neighbor in the history of television situation comedies. Also, did you know that Mary Tyler Moore’s son killed himself in a game of Russian roulette? Far out, right?
SEYDON
Where I hailed him: Upper East Side
Where he hails from: West Africa
Years as a cabbie: One month
Previous profession: Knock-off handbag salesman
I would love to live someplace quiet, in the Bronx, on Riverside Drive. A new apartment with no problems and no ghosts and a nice view. But instead of a dream apartment I would like a dream house, in Guinea-Bissau with my family, and beautiful forests and animals that I can hunt. I am an excellent hunter.
WAYNE
Where I hailed him: West Village
Where he hails from: New York
Years as a cabbie: 4
Previous profession: Bank telller
I would like to have an apartment above a nice business that I start. An organic store. I like natural things, and I would sell them on the ground floor, then live above in a place with natural light and plants. Plants are life and you need them in your home. Also, I would live alone. If I had plants and natural light, and my business and my privacy, that is all in the world I need.
ABDUL
Where I hailed him: Harlem
Where he hails from: Queens
Years as a cabbie: 10
Previous profession: Grocery store owner
If you live in a beautiful luxury apartment but there’s no happiness, what are you gonna do? You can’t take your property with you when you die, so I prefer a small place. If it’s small it is easier to fill with happiness, believe me. The place is too big, the happiness gets lost. Also, you live in a penthouse? You might get hit by a plane. No, I prefer a small place, ground floor. Although, maybe a swimming pool would be nice. I will admit that.
HAAZ
Where I hailed him: Port Authority
Where he hails from: Lebanon
Years as a cabbie: 7
Previous profession: Musician
I don’t need much. I’m not greedy. If you have too much room, so much of it goes to waste, especially if you don’t have a big family. I want to be comfortable, but I don’t want a lot of room. If you have more than you use, you have to spend all your time cleaning it and taking care of it. Either that, or you need to get a maid, and I would never do that. My mother was a maid, and she said it was demeaning.
SEYDON
Where I hailed him: Upper East Side
Where he hails from: West Africa
Years as a cabbie: One month
Previous profession: Knock-off handbag salesman
I would love to live someplace quiet, in the Bronx, on Riverside Drive. A new apartment with no problems and no ghosts and a nice view. But instead of a dream apartment I would like a dream house, in Guinea-Bissau with my family, and beautiful forests and animals that I can hunt. I am an excellent hunter.
WAYNE
Where I hailed him: West Village
Where he hails from: New York
Years as a cabbie: 4
Previous profession: Bank telller
I would like to have an apartment above a nice business that I start. An organic store. I like natural things, and I would sell them on the ground floor, then live above in a place with natural light and plants. Plants are life and you need them in your home. Also, I would live alone. If I had plants and natural light, and my business and my privacy, that is all in the world I need.
ABDUL
Where I hailed him: Harlem
Where he hails from: Queens
Years as a cabbie: 10
Previous profession: Grocery store owner
If you live in a beautiful luxury apartment but there’s no happiness, what are you gonna do? You can’t take your property with you when you die, so I prefer a small place. If it’s small it is easier to fill with happiness, believe me. The place is too big, the happiness gets lost. Also, you live in a penthouse? You might get hit by a plane. No, I prefer a small place, ground floor. Although, maybe a swimming pool would be nice. I will admit that.
HAAZ
Where I hailed him: Port Authority
Where he hails from: Lebanon
Years as a cabbie: 7
Previous profession: Musician
I don’t need much. I’m not greedy. If you have too much room, so much of it goes to waste, especially if you don’t have a big family. I want to be comfortable, but I don’t want a lot of room. If you have more than you use, you have to spend all your time cleaning it and taking care of it. Either that, or you need to get a maid, and I would never do that. My mother was a maid, and she said it was demeaning.
