Summer is basically here, and if you’re lucky, you’re going to have to start planning some kind of vacation. For some people that just means taking a little more time to read the paper in the kitchen, for others it involves a deep trek into the Burmese triangle… but for most of these bartenders, it would seem to mean a lot of pain.
matt Where he presides: Pencil Factory, Greenpoint Favorite drink: Tequila My mom got her purse stolen outside the Louvre in Paris. She freaked out. Somebody just came up and grabbed it. But I was only like ten, so I barely remember it.
ruben Where he presides: Mark Bar, Greenpoint Favorite drink: Shots of Sauza My worst was when I was eight years old and I ended up getting covered in mosquito bites. I was in a sleeping bag, but it was hot so I was sleeping on top of it, and I got covered. It was almost completely symmetrical — I was covered completely, my face, down my arms, down my legs, everywhere. I was camping in Jersey. On top of that I ate a ham sandwich before that was apparently spoiled, and I puked my guts out from that.
matt Where she presides: Barrow St. Pub, Greenwich Village Favorite drink: Bottles of Coors Light So, when I was 12 years old, we go to the beach, Ocean City, Maryland. My mom lets me and my brother each take a friend, and we’re pretty excited. The first day we get there, we’re at this bumper boat/miniature golf place, and we’re out screwing around on the boats. Well, someone must have thrown a rock from the golf course into the boat area, because it flew up and gashed me in the head… They had to rush me to the hospital and I had like 18 stitches. So the next day I’m walking around with a turban on my head — too embarrassed to go to the beach — just hanging out at the arcade sporting the turban. I lean up against a pinball machine and it shocks the hell out of me. So much for the arcade… The day after that, my friend is out in the ocean and he’s a bad swimmer. He panics and the first thing he thinks of is to swim to a jetty island. Of course there’s razor sharp barnacles all over the thing and he gets cut all over and has to be rescued by the lifeguard. Yeah, mom was not happy with us. After that, we just stayed inside and played cards.
alex Where she presides: Ino, Greenwich Village Favorite drink: Red wine This is more depressing than disaster, but I’ll tell you anyway… The summer after the end of high school, my girlfriend made out with my best friend right in front of me. They weren’t my girlfriend and best friend after that, no.
carla Where she presides: Village Bistro, Greenwich Village Favorite drink: The Green Dream I’ve never had a disastrous summer vacation. They’ve all been delightful — never bad. Anything that’s gone wrong has been my own fault.
paul Where she presides: Mr. Dennehy’s, Greenwich Village Favorite drink: Fuzzy Navel Most disastrous summer vacation? Easy! My honeymoon last year! That broad… No, just kidding. Actually, I have a lot of things on my mind and bad summer vacations isn’t one of them. Do you mind if I get some of my comrades in arms involved here? [Ed. at this point, the regulars begin to chime in with what approximates for wit during the extended liquid lunch hour.] ‘That’s easy! My summer at Rikers. Never again, boy!’ ‘What about the Legionnaire’s disease cruise? That was a bad one, eh Jimmy?’ ‘Oh yeah, there was the time I lost all my luggage at Fire Island, and didn’t have anything to wear… Hey, I managed though, if you know what I’m saying, boy...’