Worst Trouble You Ever Got Into in School?
by Brian Diedrick
The worst thing we ever got caught for in high school was stripping naked in front of a full auditorium during a talent show with aught but a ukelele to protect our important parts. We were suspended for three days, but we also won the contest. Totally worth it. (And now we work at a magazine! Suck it Vice-Principal Shay!)
SHAFER
Where he presides: Four-Faced Liar, West Village
Favorite drink: Wild Turkey
You know I actually managed to stay out of trouble in high school. I was in the University Interscholastic League Theater, and as long as we won UIL competitions we got pretty much a free pass. [So, did you do anything that you would have gotten in trouble for?] Oh yeah — we skipped a lot of class, did some other stuff that I wouldn’t want you to print. We had fun. I never got in trouble in college because I never went.
ROLAND
Where he presides: Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village
Favorite drink: Rum and coke
I can’t think of anything right now — there are so many. I guess just being suspended for fighting. [Did you win?] Some of the time.
DENYSE
Where she presides: Sweetwater Bar and Grill, East Village
Favorite drink: The “Joe Cocker”
You know, I did a lot of things, but I never got caught. I used to be in the theater, and there was this loft backstage and we used to go up there and smoke weed. I used to have sex up there — a lot. There was also this pond behind the school and a big pipe in it that was about 50 feet long that you could crawl into. One time we were back there smoking and cutting class when a gym class let out, so we all crawled into the pipe to hide. A couple of the freshmen in the gym class found us and started throwing sticks and stuff at us and stole some of our bags. But the gym teacher didn’t catch us.
DOUGLAS
Where he presides: Rodeo Bar, Murray Hill
Favorite drink: Budweiser
When I was in college, I lit a bulletin board on fire at the University of Minnesota Duluth. No, I didn’t really have any political motivation for it. It was more just to see it go up in flames. The “beauty of the burn” you might say. Totally worth the hassle with the campus police. There wasn’t much they could do anyway. I think all I got was a warning.
FRANK
Where he presides: Bar None, East Village
Favorite drink: Bud, Bud Light, and Jagermeister
Fighting. But I always won. I took my share of detentions, but I had to defend my friends.
SHAFER
Where he presides: Four-Faced Liar, West Village
Favorite drink: Wild Turkey
You know I actually managed to stay out of trouble in high school. I was in the University Interscholastic League Theater, and as long as we won UIL competitions we got pretty much a free pass. [So, did you do anything that you would have gotten in trouble for?] Oh yeah — we skipped a lot of class, did some other stuff that I wouldn’t want you to print. We had fun. I never got in trouble in college because I never went.
ROLAND
Where he presides: Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village
Favorite drink: Rum and coke
I can’t think of anything right now — there are so many. I guess just being suspended for fighting. [Did you win?] Some of the time.
DENYSE
Where she presides: Sweetwater Bar and Grill, East Village
Favorite drink: The “Joe Cocker”
You know, I did a lot of things, but I never got caught. I used to be in the theater, and there was this loft backstage and we used to go up there and smoke weed. I used to have sex up there — a lot. There was also this pond behind the school and a big pipe in it that was about 50 feet long that you could crawl into. One time we were back there smoking and cutting class when a gym class let out, so we all crawled into the pipe to hide. A couple of the freshmen in the gym class found us and started throwing sticks and stuff at us and stole some of our bags. But the gym teacher didn’t catch us.
DOUGLAS
Where he presides: Rodeo Bar, Murray Hill
Favorite drink: Budweiser
When I was in college, I lit a bulletin board on fire at the University of Minnesota Duluth. No, I didn’t really have any political motivation for it. It was more just to see it go up in flames. The “beauty of the burn” you might say. Totally worth the hassle with the campus police. There wasn’t much they could do anyway. I think all I got was a warning.
FRANK
Where he presides: Bar None, East Village
Favorite drink: Bud, Bud Light, and Jagermeister
Fighting. But I always won. I took my share of detentions, but I had to defend my friends.
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