Where are all the sex parties?

It can be tough these days, in New York City, to know where to find your underground erotic thrills, as the cops close down sex clubs (like CasBar in Brooklyn) for "incidents of sexual activity," including anal sex and fellatio, which are considered "a danger to public health." Oddly, and to the benefit of women, the law says nothing about cunnilingus.  These restrictions are why any sex party worth going to is undercover and at no fixed venue—a moveable feast, as it were. But trust me, they are out there.

"There are so many different flavors of [NYC] sexuality parties. You have swingers, polyamorous types, Burning Man, fetish, gay, transgender, costume, pillow fight, eye-gazing, naked yoga events. Plus, there are even different sub-sections for each of these categories," says underground party planner Morpheus NYC. 

So, how do you get invited to these events? You can Google "sex parties NYC" but this won't direct you to the city's most Bacchanalian shindigs. TimeOut, the Voice... not much there, either. Here's what I did: At first I befriended some Burning Man types who took me to a masquerade party in an 1840s mansion in Gramercy Park. It was a scene from a different era: dozens of people draped in glowing silks and long gowns with feathered masks covering their faces; it was like walking into Eyes Wide Shut, except with clothes and no actual sex. Technically, this wasn't a sex party, but these people served as my gateway friends, introducing me to all kinds of erotic events.

I also became a member of Chemistry, OneLegUpNYC and HedoOnline, online groups that hold erotic parties for swingers and sexually adventurous types: to join I had to send applications with pictures of myself and my boyfriend. OneLegUp was a more catered affair with Wall Street type-crowds (older, richer), whereas Chemistry had more of a Burning Man vibe. All of these parties had hordes of people making out, but OneLegUp had luxurious events with contortionists, stilt walkers and other circus performers (details that come with a price, ranging from $75 to $350 and an arduous screening process to cut the sleaze). HedoOnline was cheaper, but the crowd was not as attractive.

School of Sex, another group that holds catered events like OneLegUp, tries to attract a younger crowd. Twenty-seven-year-old founder Sex Kitten created the group when she "...realized there was a great need for a 'swinger orientation' for beginners and a party catering to the under-40 set."

OneLegUp holds both public and private events. "I have more theatrical and sexual events," says Pelagia, founder of OneLegUp. At her recent 15th-century costume themed party, there were 85 people at a 3000 sq. ft. loft, where almost everyone was having sex amid dozens of glowing candles, hundreds of rose petals, and live conga drummers. "Bunny Love performed; she pretended to eat oysters and afterwards she pulled a string of oysters from her vagina; her act was called, 'The Girl with a Pearl Necklace'."

After meeting people at these "off premise" swinger parties, I got invited to some other more private versions at beautiful apartments throughout Manhattan, featuring some of the most physically attractive people I've ever met. Not surprisingly, these private settings lead to more open displays of affection, by which I mean straight-up orgies. Some of these parties included people who also happened to be intelligent and educated—because nothing's sexier than talking politics, history and philosophy after a make-out session.

These private parties also have an array of themes. One 28-year-old married doctor (and gorgeous swinger) invited me to a dinner party for ladies only. Each woman was to slip on a vibrator that was controlled by randomly distributed remote controls. The game? To find out who was controlling your vibrator as you munched on a filet mignon. I didn't go to this event.