So it would seem that the much-profiled American skier Bode Miller (who pretty much flopped out of last month’s Winter Olympics) has firsthand knowledge of skiing while drunk. Fair enough — we’re not here to judge. But we started wondering who else has dabbled in the sauce while attempting physical activity… barkeeps?
Felicia Where she presides: Rain Lounge, Williamsburg Favorite drink: Jameson’s and ginger ale
There was one time that I tried to leapfrog a parking meter. Yeah, that didn’t work out so well. I wasn’t tall enough, but I gave it a good shot. My friend, who was tall enough, did it a couple of times, but I just kind of ran into it. It was kind of revenge for all the parking tickets they give out. Well, attempted revenge anyway
. Nat Where he presides: Spike Hill, Williamsburg Favorite drink: Beer and tequila
Softball — we play every weekend in McCarren Park — the Sweetwater ‘86s. We pretty much start drinking as soon as we get there. By the seventh inning we start to build up some speed. My most glorious moment was striking out the same guy three times [Ed. as a regular beer league softball participant, our intrepid correspondent can confirm that this is, indeed, a rather impressive achievement]. You get three swings and you’re out.
Alan Where he presides: The Thirsty Scholar, East Village Favorite drink: Guinness
Athletic, eh? I’m not really great, but I’ve played football drunk. It never works out too well. You get really excited, start running really fast, and then you’re done in five minutes. I’ve also hurdled quite a few bin bags trying to do long jumps. They make for a nice cushion when you fall — all stuffed with rubbish. And then there’s the heavyweight lifting — carrying girls in and out of bars. I’ve thrown my back out many a time doing that one.
Michelle Where she presides: Manchester Pub, Midtown Favorite drink: Stoli and cranberry
There was the time I once climbed a 20-foot wall to break into one of my close friend’s boyfriend’s house. I got the window unlocked, thought I was going to get in, and then got caught by his dad! That pretty much got my friend dumped. Really classy behavior... My own house? I break in all the time — my boyfriend caught me with my head through the window once. I start drinking, I guess I think I’m Spider-Woman.
Dana Where she presides: Corner 51, Midtown Favorite drink: Wild Turkey
I guess my greatest feat would be a five-mile walk in the middle of the night — completely blotto — to find my lost car. Yes, I lost my car. Literally, I was like Ashton Kutcher: ‘Dude, where is it?’ I was at a party at my brother’s place. Oh, wait, actually we were playing football indoors that night! Yeah, my brother had on a white cap, and by the time we were done it had a big brown stripe down the middle. I tackled him and he, um, fell into the dog. So, back to the lost car. We were playing beer pong too — enough said. Right, somehow I passed out and woke up, naked, in my brother’s bed, pulled my clothes on, busted the door going outside, and couldn’t find my car. So I decided to walk five miles to my brother’s girlfriend’s place. Sure enough, there it was.
Dominic Where he presides: Mimi’s, Midtown Favorite drink: Vodka grapefruit
Can this feat be of a... sexual nature? No, just kidding. Help me out here fellas. [Ed. at this point a regular, about 60, chimes in.] “Oh, sure, sure. I remember mine. It was the year after I graduated college — I was back on campus for the alumni hockey game. Well, we all had a bunch of beers before the game. Bad, bad idea. Never before, never again. This was an outdoor rink, so we were leaning over the boards worse than sailors in a storm.”