Sex Advice from a Goose: Pills, Addicts

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03/09/2009 9:00 AM |

Welcome to our biweekly feature in which I, Gary, The L’s wooden goose, shall answer the questions asked of Audrey Ference, The Natural Redhead, in the current issue of the L.

Dear Audrey Gary,

Ok, psychological problem here.

My current girlfriend just got on the pill and wants me to come inside her. Before she was on the pill, I used to really love going without a condom, coming on her stomach, or putting on a condom to finish — not entirely safe, right? Ha. But now I freak out when we’re together because it feels totally out of my control, and I’m worried about getting her pregnant. It’s starting to affect our mutual pleasure a bit.

I think it’s this: I’ve been with girls on the pill before, and they’ve told me it was still not smart to come inside them. They were adamant about pulling out or wearing a condom, giving me the impression that the pill was just sort of an added layer of protection.

How safe is it to be coming inside her? And if it is safe, is there anything I can do to calm myself down and enjoy it like I used to?

Thanks. And sorry if this is a dumb question — I went to Sex Ed in the South.

Did you also go to school in the South? Or did you just head down there for the Sex Ed? In any case, yes, it’s safe, it’s perfectly safe. To calm yourself down and enjoy it like you used to, I suggest that you confirm to your satisfaction that it’s safe. Which it is. That should do it.

If that doesn’t calm you down, well. The Pill, humanity’s greatest invention, is more than 99% effective when used properly. But it may be that you are one of those worryworts who’s forever destined to think “whatifwe’retheexception, whatifwe’retheexception, whatifwe’retheexception” to the rhythm of every thrust.

Dear Audrey Gary,

I feel completely guilty!

I noticed in the paper that there was a S.A. (Sex Addict) meeting at the community center across the street. I signed up for the pottery class that followed the meetings at the center. I met and dated a woman from the meetings. We had sex in the back of a movie theater, in the closet at a friend’s house during his b-day party, in a taxi, on the subway coming home from a jazz club where we had done it in the restroom. We had sex everywhere and all the time. After a month or so, she stopped calling me and retuning my messages. I have an ache in my heart, not from the broken relationship, but from the guilt.

I had more sex in one month than I have had in the past three years. Is there any way to have a normal sex life with someone who is S.A.?

Probably there is, although seeking out recovering sex addicts, inducing them into relapse, and then bragging about it to strangers would probably not be the way I would go about it. Personally. (Goosily?)

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