I Just Saw Max Fischer!

06/17/2009 3:33 PM |

bbc4/1245262670-jason_schwartzman5.jpg Hey, I just saw Max Fischer at the DUMBO bookstore! Dude is short, and I couldn’t see what he was buying, but I’m pretty sure it was a book. Here are some things I wish I had said to him:

“Hey Fischer, why don’t you grow up and play a different character for once! I mean, how is it Louis XVI and the moop from Shop Girl seem like basically the same dude?

Hey Fischer, Wes Anderson says you can be kind of a drag at parties.

Hey Fischer, stay out of DUMBO.

Hey Fischer, I bet you can’t even really skate, for real. POSEUR.

Hey Fischer, your mother is dead.

Hey Fischer, Sofia Coppola, Kirsten Dunst, Natalie Portman told me you have a tiny wee-wee.

Hey Fischer, I secretly envy your life and the interesting friends you seem to have, so all the preceding heckles were merely a way for me to feel better about the inadequacies I perceive in my own life, as I compare it to yours.

And then I started to cry.

3 Comment

  • Wow, those are some cutting taunts. You should go to the US Open instead of Conklin.

  • oh, are they?

  • I saw Max Fischer on 1st in-between 8th and 9th one night, and yeah he can’t be any taller than three feet. At any rate, I muttered “Hey look, that’s Jason Schwartzman…” to a friend, who proceeded to shamelessly yell out “Jason!”. He turned back, giving us a headnod and grinning wave. We laughed. Then my friend asked, “Hahaha…who the fuck is Jason Schwartzman?”