Buying a Penis Pump (and The Art of the Flying V)

07/28/2009 4:27 PM |

Like last week, when I had a customer who was in the market for a penis pump. The first thing I noticed about him was how ridiculous his clothes were. He was wearing a loud checked suit, dark shades, a straw hat and flip-flops (bright plumage, apparently, is not always an asset). As we talked he informed me he was in disguise and I informed him an outfit that draws attention is a terrible disguise. He considered my comment only briefly before launching into a lengthy monologue about the dimensions of his penis.

At around the ten-minute mark I started to suspect he was fucking with me.

At the twenty-minute mark I started to suspect he had Asperger’s and that his “thing” was, well, his thing.

“I want to go big,” he kept saying. “Huge. Like a whale.” That is a horrific prospect to me, but I kept quiet. “This is how big I want to go,” he said, picking up one of our Supercocks, which is supposedly cast from a porn star and is more than a foot long.

I told him I didn’t think he could get those kinds of results from a pump but he said he’d give it a shot anyway and left with it.

After he was out the door, I had to put my head down on the counter for a moment. Talking with a stranger for twenty minutes about the girth of his penis is enough to give you brain embolism.

When I heard another customer come in, I picked up my head to smile at her. She started to smile back, but then her eyes slid down to the counter and her mouth twisted in horror.

She pointed to the Supercock the penis pump-guy had left there and said, “Jesus Christ, that thing is huge! Who would ever want that?”