Republican Hopeful Raffles AK-47 at Campaign Rally, Jesus “Saddened”

09/28/2009 12:55 PM |

Jesus with a machine gun

I’m not sure* why I post about this stuff anymore, just kind of makes a person sad, but… South Carolina Republican Dean Allen, campaigning to lead that state’s National Guard, had a “machine-gun” social on Saturday. For $25, attendees got yummy barbecue, a clip of bullets, and the chance to win a semi-automatic weapon.

And then Angry Jesus came down from the cerulean Heavens and grew to a great and awful height before the cowering Christians and He said, in an enormous, terrible voice as large as the vaulted universe, “Thou hast corrupted My teachings; thou art makers of war and destroyers of peace; thou hast twisted My words and the words of Our Lord, My father, and thou shalt be punished…” And lo they trembled before his wrath, and he turned them gay and made them move to the coasts, where they discovered the pleasures of decent coffee and a night without television, and yea they were happy again, and put down their weapons, and truly began to do His work.

Just kidding.

*Actually, it’s just an excuse to post this video from a Al Qaida training session “gun show” in Kentucky, which also makes me sad, but at least has explosions.

3 Comment

  • I have been to this festival and it was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen… but there was definitely not a single member of Al Qaida there… far from it. If we were ever truly invade these folks might be our best hope… another very scary thought.

  • From Luke 22
    35Then Jesus asked them, “When I sent you without purse, bag or sandals, did you lack anything?”
    “Nothing,” they answered.

    36He said to them, “But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one. 37It is written: ‘And he was numbered with the transgressors'[b]; and I tell you that this must be fulfilled in me. Yes, what is written about me is reaching its fulfillment.”

    38The disciples said, “See, Lord, here are two swords.”
    “That is enough,” he replied.

  • who ever did that thing is an asshole.that is JESUS for christ sakes !!!!!!