Questions for the Secret Service Regarding Their DUMBO Pizza Party at Grimaldi’s

02/22/2010 2:59 PM |

secret g-men

  • “I can haz pizza?” asked one talking dog of the other.

As you may have heard (DUMBO REPRESENT!), Vice President Joe “Crazy Mouth” Biden had lunch with his lovely wife Jill at the River Cafe on Saturday (that’s the one right below the Brooklyn Bridge). Ok, cool. The real story here is the fact that his Secret Service dudes had pizza and Coke just up the block at Grimaldi’s, WHICH IS WHERE WE GET OUR DINNER ON CLOSING NIGHTS!

Even though Grimaldi‘s seems to be run by a bunch of taciturn Polish guys (or Ukrainian? they hardly talk…) it’s still some of the best pizza in New York City, as I suppose is evidenced by crazy-long line-ups every night of every week of every month of the year.

So, a few questions for my friends in the Secret Service:

1) Did you have to wait in line like the rest of us?
2) Did you eat with your sunglasses on?
3) Did you get sauce on your special government suits?
4) How do those things clean?
5) Do you feel inferior to the President’s team because you know that no one would really want to put a cap in Gentleman Joe’s ass?
6) Did you have to spend a lot of time screening calls from the Vice President’s late mother? (RIP)
7) Do you sometimes wonder what it’s all about?
8) Does the Vice President occasionally make you ride around on commuter trains to prove how awesome they are?
9) Are you ok?
10) Do you actually just listen to Ke$ha on those little earbuds?
11) Can I see your gun?
12) If I had a Secret Service code name would it be Prince Wordsmith?