We’re Number One! (And By “We,” I Mean the Beaches of Southampton)

05/28/2010 1:43 PM |

Coopers Beach

  • Yeah, that does look nice.

This is a very important news story. On the eve of Memorial Day Weekend, a very important survey revealed that Southampton’s Coopers Beach is America’s best beach, a result which prompted one Southampton littoralist to utter the words, “Suck it, Florida.” The study was overseen by a man from Florida International University named Stephen “Dr. Beach” Leatherman, whose last name is derived from decades spent converting the Sun’s rays into a chestnut-like carapace.

(I wonder if the survey included such intangibles as access to heroin…)