Remember, Remember, the Fifth of November

by |
11/05/2010 4:01 PM |

Why don’t we, in America, have an annual destructive bacchanalia in which we celebrate a mad, failed attempt at wreaking fatal violence upon key members our government? I for one would welcome the opportunity to celebrate that time Reagan got shot.

Holy shit I would get so drunk every March 30 for Honey I Forgot to Duck Day, burning Jodie Foster in effigy and all that shit. Towards the end of the night I’d jump in back, start pouring shots for everyone, trembling, gritting teeth, clenching the bottle with a white-knuckled grip, repeating “I am in control here, in the bar, pending the return of the bartender.”

Happy Guy Fawkes Day, everyone: