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Last night’s episode had a 2 Broke Girls first: I laughed out loud at a joke. I totally forgot what the line was about five minutes later, but hey, progress! Luckily, though, the show had plenty of quotes just begging to be mocked. I heard the word “hipsters” so many times during the episode that it’s lost any hint of meaning it still had left.

#5. “WHAT?!? Vicki from Small Wonder is coming?”
God, I hope people don’t have the same ironic affection for 2 Broke Girls that people do for Small Wonder, which was a truly terrible show. PLUS, Tiffany Brissette (who’s now a nurse in Colorado), who played emotionless robot Vicki, never appeared.

#4. “I’m closing the kitchen in ten minutes. I cannot stay later. I have date with new woman in my life. She’s very special to me. I think she may be the one. You are both welcome to come watch us have sex.”
Goddamn, Oleg’s awful. He’s the Russian cook who serves no purpose to the show, other than to sexually harass Max and Caroline. That’s it. And he’s really not funny. I mean, read the quote above. There’s a set-up, and then the “watch us have sex” comment, but no punch line. If you’re going to have an un-PC, supposedly charming, sexual deviant character, who would be fired and sent to prison in real life, at least make him funny.

#3. “If you keep talking, I’m going to Merrill Lynch myself.”
If you keep telling shitty jokes, 2 Broke Girls, you’re going to CHASE away viewers. (SORRY.)

#2. “We have something that’s better than a ‘80s disco party. We have a horse… If we throw a big enough party and charge hipsters for horse rides, we could pay off your student loan.”
There is nothing I don’t hate about that quote. Max and Caroline charge $100 for a horse ride, because they believe that Williamsburg hipsters will pay any amount of money for something that’s “different.” (See quote below, too.) So, according to 2 Broke Girls logic, hipsters are more willing to spend money on frivolous items than financial types (Caroline and her family). There’s a weird subtext to the show, where the hipsters are evil and Caroline’s father, who embezzled money in a Madoff-like scandal, is the good guy. All we’ve heard are sympathetic things about him, unlike those who shop at Urban Outfitters—they’re all the real monsters.

#1. “Hipsters in Williamsburg will pay anything if it makes them feel like they’re ‘in’ on something new that no one else knows about. All you need’s a gimmick.”
Like biting the hand that feeds you, by acknowledging that you need a shitty, manipulative gimmick (making fun of hipsters) to have a financially successful business venture (2 Broke Girls). To paraphrase the show, “C’mon Chestnut, go poop-poop on this show.”