The Serenity Prayer of Pubic Hair

01/18/2012 4:00 AM |

Dear Audrey,
I hate the way my pubic hair looks. It grows in thin and scraggly. Do you think that if I shave it off it will grow in thicker? Or is there something else I can do? It makes me embarrassed whenever I have sex with a new person.

Unfortunately, one must play the pubic hair cards one was dealt or get rid of it. Given that most people are interested in minimizing or removing pubes, I don’t think a lot of research dollars have been spent figuring out how to make them more luxurious and fluffy. Based on the impossibility of reliably thickening and fluffifying head hair, though, I’d guess we haven’t found a way. The whole “shave it off and it’ll come back thicker” thing is a myth in all hair arenas.

I’ll tell you this, though: it seems to be the modern condition to fret about one’s pubes. Did I remove enough? Too much? Should I trim what’s left? How frequently should I perform pubic maintenance? What about stubble? Why can’t I feel loved and secure in an uncertain world? Does this make my pussy look as though it’s sporting a Hitler mustache (“the clitler”)?

And I get it. We are all worried about the reception our intimate areas will receive. Presumably anyone who gets a peek is someone we’re trying to impress, and the hair is something that we can, to some extent, have control over. But I’ve yet to hear of somebody thinking a sexual encounter was going great, getting all the way to the removing of the underpants, espying a partner’s pubic grooming, and going YUCK EW I CAN’T FUCK THAT IT’S OVER.

I mean, I’m sure it’s happened. The multiverse is a big place, filled with people. I’m sure that someone out there has a pube “thing.” But it seems to me that if things are otherwise going well, when a person slips their hand down into another person’s intimate apparel, their mind is generally thinking “yum, pussy and/or cock,” not “before this goes any further, let’s see what he or she has got going on with their public styling.”

So what I’m saying to you, and to all the other people who spend time—precious time from their one and only precious life on this earth—worrying about whether their pubes are appropriate and aesthetically pleasing, is: relax. Everything will be ok. Like your head hair and your face hair and your pit hair and your leg hair, your pubic hair is part of nature’s gift to you as a defenseless mammal, so do whatever the fuck you want with it.
If you want to wax it as bald as a skinhead’s noggin, great. If you want to rock a luxurious fluffy original Joy of Sex-style bush, vaya con dios. If it pleases you to trim it high and tight, into a landing strip, a heart, a triangle, a soul patch, great! Do it! Keep it mowed down into a neat Augusta putting green or let it blossom into curly fecundity. However it grows, however you groom it, just be confident in what you’ve got down there and I suspect any non-asshole partner will not even notice one way or the other. Aleister Crowley may not have given the world a lot of useful wisdom, but he was right about one thing: when it comes to pubes, do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.

7 Comment

  • Here’s a guy’s view on view on this subject. I’m a 30 year old that has slept with a vast array of women. Here’s my take, and I probably speak for many many men.

    You can never have too short or few pubic hair. So the less, the better. I believe most guys like little to no pubic hair. I’ve never kicked anyone out of bed or made them feel unwelcome because of this, but if it’s nice and clean, men will appreciate it more. Just my POV.

  • I disagree with the 1st comment. I am old enough to remember when hardly any women shaved it all off. To me it looks kind of odd – like a baby. All this talk about pubic hair seems kind of silly to me. As long as it’s trimmed, neat and clean I’m happy!

  • A girl should do with her pussy what makes her feel good. So if that means shaving it all off or just growing it out mountain style, go for it.

    Let it be shown that the first 2 comments were disagreements, yet they want either shaved/little hair or trim, neat. Seems pretty similar for a disagreement.

    Ok girls, get to choppin’!

  • I’d like to chime in here with a female perspective. I never used to put too much effort into “down there” hair removal. I kept everything clean and pretty, but I never shaved or waxed anything off, and I never once had negative feedback from any of my partners.

    What drove me into high-maintenance mode was actually my girlfriends who were just appalled that I had anything down there at all. I thought I’d give a Brazilian a try and now I honestly can’t imagine doing anything else. Plus my boyfriend loves it, so that’s a bonus.

    The point is, if you’re uncomfortable or self-conscious about your hair situation, try new things until you find one that works for you. Otherwise, don’t stress yourself out. No guy is going to kick anyone out of bed for having too much (or too little) hair. At least not if they want to see another naked woman in their lifetime.

  • Another male perspective: Part of the fun is in the discovery. Having sex with someone for the first time is exciting for a lot of reasons, not the least of which exploring a body you’ve never seen/touched before. It’s kind of like unwrapping a present.
    I’ve experienced everything from shaved bare to full-on fuzz muffin. In every instance I was just happy to be having sex. The only time I’ve ever said anything to a partner was in a long-term relationship and we were looking to try new things.
    Long story short, don’t worry about it. As long as it’s clean, most dudes will be fine with it.

  • Another Guy weighs in…… (while goofing off at work)
    Having style anywhere and everywhere is appreciated. Personally i like it to be short and trim, but not shaved off. Whatever you do dont let it stress you out, just give it some thought, like the rest of your beautiful body.

  • another man here: scraggly, full bush, landing strip, fully bald, etc. it doesn’t matter as long as you keep your hairs clean.