Have you always dreamed of living life as a functional stoner, but held back because The Man told you all kinds of horror stories about how weed is “illegal” and “will make you fat and useless?” Well, start making up for lost time.
Unbeknownst to us, a group of British scientists has been busy doing the Lord’s work, i.e. testing the health effects of marijuana on lab mice. And the results are surprisingly positive.
Counterintuitively, cannabis worked as an appetite suppressant, albeit a temporary one, among the animals and could possibly work throughout the body to reduce levels of fat and protect the cells that respond to insulin. “The results in animal models have been very encouraging,” explained a researcher. “We are interested in how these drugs effect the fat distribution and utilization in the body as treatment for metabolic diseases.” Another added, “Over all, it seems these molecules increase energy expenditure in the cells of the body by increasing the metabolism.
So yes, weed could be harnessed to help you lose weight, all while reducing risk of heart disease and diabetes.
We’re sure the positive health effects had nothing to do with lab mice’s lack of access to Locos Tacos.
Well! I guess I’ll carry on.
Indeed – as Lloyd Blankfein has said – this is “God’s Work”