1, 2, 3, 4, 5

07/17/2013 4:00 AM |

In the evenings, Sarah sat down and told me about her day working in the ICU. She told me about a young man with cancer whose bowels were impacted and how he was probably going to die. She told me that he’d developed an Anorectal fistula. I said, “What the fuck’s that?”

She told me that’s where the body essentially creates a new asshole for you. The acid burns right through the skin and leaks shit. 

I said, “The body can make a new asshole for you?” 

Sarah told me that the body can do anything. So I imagined my body making new assholes. I imagined myself covered in assholes. Assholes, assholes, and more assholes.

And then she told me about another the guy who was in need of a fecal transplant.  She told me about his wife and how she cried and looked afraid.  
I said, “What? Wait. A fecal transplant?” 

She told me about how when the body has been through so much chemo it no longer reacts to antibiotics. So doctors will transplant feces back into the body of a patient. There is bacteria in feces that will fight against infection. 

I said, “Does it have to be your own personal feces, or will it come from like a feces donor? If so, does the feces donor have to be family/related to you?” 
Sarah told me to shut up.  

I asked, “What about accepting feces from another species? Would monkey feces have the same impact?” 

Sarah told me to shut up.

Then I asked her why she believed in GOD. I told her this god she believed in must be a madman. I told her this god was really shitty at what he did, or maybe he was just something else. Maybe he was just lazy as shit and incompetent. Sarah shook her head and smiled. Then she asked me, “You want to know what nurses spend their money on?”

What do nurses spend their money on, Sarah?

Titties. Fake Titties. That’s what they spend their money on. 

She told me about how one of the nurses used a credit card to pay for a breast augmentation. Sarah asked the woman if she was nervous about not paying back the money for her operation.

The ER nurse just pushed out her chest and wiggled her tits around and said, “I’m not worried. They don’t repossess titties, girl.”

One Comment