Last night, for a second at least, Twitter was captivated by the fact that Prince, formerly the world’s least Internet-enamored fancy gentleman, had joined its ranks. Using the account of his new-ish band 3rd Eye Girl, he posted sorta like a normal. He uploaded food pics, made weird selfie jokes (he posted a pic of pure smoke instead of a pic, like a true sex Dracula). It was kinda fun. But even the concept of Prince on Twitter is sort of flawed, right? The whole point of Prince is mystery, unknowably pure cosmic Id, yeah? Why are we excited when he’s brought down to Earth with the rest of us? Anybody got a compelling reason? But, oh well. The tiny, grape-colored sex-horse is out of the barn, and now we are left to ponder what sort of Tweeter Prince will become.
It’s surprisingly tough! Most of his songs are super lascivious come-ons, the sort of thing that works great in pop fantasy but couldn’t help but be kinda uncomfortable when directed @ U. (Prince might have invented text speak, with all those 2s and Us, by the way. Has anyone considered this?) Constant dirty talk is probably the stuff of parody accounts, anyway. Prince, despite his magical horn dog persona, is too dignified for that. Who even knows what he’s like around the house?
We carefully scoured his lyrical body of work to help imagine what this new, casual Prince might entail.
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Bored Prince kills time, noticin’, thinkin’:
– The rain sounds so cool when it hits the barn roof. (“Raspberry Beret”)
– Lookin’ out the window of a big black limousine, thinkin’ bout your thighs. (“Underneath the Cream”)
Morning Prince, cooking:
– Grits and gravy, cheese eggs and jam http://twitpic.com/3ruotr (“Breakfast Can Wait”)
Prince embracing his greatest enemy, YouTube:
– Checkin’ out Mahalia’s greatest – “In The Upper Room” http://bit.ly/o7HIV (“Sex in the Summer”)
Prince gives shout outs to his buddies:
– Greg Boyer on the trombone, good God. http://bit.ly/16baDTv (“Alphabet Street”)
Prince has music crit opinions:
– It’s time 4 new direction, it’s time 4 jazz 2 die. (“All the Critics Love U in New York”)
Prince acknowledges the news:
– Hurricane Annie ripped the ceiling off a church and killed everyone inside. 🙁 (“Sign O the Times”)
Prince makes idle chit-chat with friends:
– @RosieGaines: I went 2 the doctor, guess what he told me?
@3rdeyegirl: @RosieGaines: What’d he tell U? (“Nothing Compares 2 U”)
Prince, late night, after a few glasses of Chablis:
– Listen, people call me rude, I wish we all were nude. (“Controversy”)
Prince hangs out with cats, who are silly:
– Somebody come get this meow-meow off my leg! http://twitpic.com/nk62d (“Scarlet Pussy”)
Follow Prince on Twitter @3rdeyegirl, follow Jeff on Twitter @jeff_klingman.