Flushing The Toilet With Your Feet Is For Idiots

09/24/2013 11:48 AM |



Another day, another study in which we learn that the average American bumbles through their day like a terrified, ignorant child. Today’s example: flushing the toilet with your foot, which 64 percent of Americans regularly do. As Atlantic Cities point out, this isn’t too dissimilar from the behavior of chimps, who have a tendency to pick things up and perform minor tasks with their feet.


And I’m sure everyone has their own justifications for this. “Oh, but maybe someone touched that with their gross toilet hand.” Probably, yeah! But you know what is definitely worse than a stranger’s toilet hand? Your shoe, which picks up traces of feces, trash, and all other manner of urban blight every single minute of the day that you spend outside. And you’re leaving that for the next poor soul who acts like an adult human and uses their hand to flush a public toilet you just smeared in street poop germs, thus breaking your side of a delicate social contract, part of which is to not put your feet places where they’re not supposed to be? It’s like a lesser version of people who think they’re too special for vaccines, thus putting everyone else at greater risk of contracting deadly illnesses for which they may or may not be able to afford treatment. Despicable.

And also, something that should be entirely moot, assuming everyone here just washes their hands after the fact. And you do, don’t you? Or at least have one of those stupid looking purse attachments of hand sanitizer, or something? This is what separates us from the chimps, after all.

Follow Virginia K. Smith on Twitter @vksmith.

9 Comment

  • this is why we need self flushing toilets everywhere!

  • i just assume that everyone uses their feet… most logical thing to do

  • Game theory tells you most everyone is going to do it with their feet. So you should do it with your feet. Doing it with your hands is a dominated strategy, as they say.

  • This is the most retarded article I have ever read. What makes you think the previous person didn’t use their feet, and the person before, and the person before that. and the next person after us? Our effort would be in vain. It’s a vicious cycle and this article will have absolutely no effect in breaking it.

  • Everyone uses their feet. Sorry Virginia 🙁

  • Um, this article is full of rage and it is not justified at all

  • There are so many counterarguments to this:

    1. Just because humans have the gift of hands, does that necessarily mean we should always favor using our hands over every type of task where other body parts are just as good if not better? For example, using your elbow to open a door. Does this somehow demean my humanity if I do this? Using my shoulder to make a phone call while my hands are otherwise engaged. Does this demean my humanity as well? Using my foot to press the foot pedal on a standing lamp. As you say, a chimp might do this, but guess what? Chimps didn’t invent light bulbs. News flash: chimps did not invent the toilet either.

    2. Secondly, you are taking a very abstract principle of human evolution and placing it in a context of being in a room literally coated with feces and bacteria. An intelligent, “evolved,” human action would be to avoid bacteria. Even if a human has hands which can be used in a bathroom and a chimp does not, does that automatically mean the human must soil his or her hands by touching everything with that body part? Is it not more evolved to avoid bacteria and viruses than to embrace them like a a pig in a sty? Also for your reference, animals did not discover bacteria. Humans did. Scientists. Some of those scientists might have also used their feet to flush the toilet, and that did not make them any less human.

  • Using your hands is the dumb thing to do. You dumb analogy between people who flush the toilet with their feet and monkeys will not be effective. So if you do not want shit on your hands, use your feet. Or better yet, reach out to toilet manufacturers, in Germany many public toilets have foot flush pedals.