Sex with the Natural Redhead: Boobie Trap

02/25/2015 9:57 AM |


Dear Audrey,

I’m a feminist and a believer in body acceptance—a fat woman who has worked very hard to be happy with her body. Recently, though, my once gloriously bouncy boobs have started to sag in a new way that just bums me out. I know this is a natural part of aging, especially for the well-endowed. I can’t explain why this in particular bugs me—as I’ve gained/lost weight, had a kid, and aged, my body has undergone huge changes, and I’ve accepted them and learned to love what I’ve got. My mom and I have had a rocky relationship at times, and she is not into fat acceptance, but after years of fighting has agreed to stop nagging me about my weight. The other day after a few glasses of wine, I shared my sadness about my boobs, hoping this was a new phase of our relationship. She was immediately like, “Just get ‘em done. That’s what I did after I had you and your brother.” She even offered to help pay. At first I just laughed, but the thought has stuck with me. On the one hand, I feel like I’d be betraying what I believe in. On the other hand, it’s affecting my ability to enjoy sex. Even though my partner says he loves them how they are, I have found myself not wanting him to touch them as much, or avoiding positions that involve bouncing. It’s really bothering me and I have no idea why! Am I total hypocrite if I get my tits “fixed”?

Fat acceptance, as far as I understand it, is about changing society so that fat people do not have a stigma attached to their bodies simply for existing, advocating for medical professionals to treat fat patients the same as thin ones, etc. Neither it nor feminism is a list of rules of what you can and can’t do to your own body and still be considered a member in good standing. 

What you do with your body is nobody’s business but your own. Would some people judge you for getting plastic surgery? Absolutely. But fuck them! Anybody who has that “how dare you bow to the patriarchy by changing yourself to be more acceptable” attitude can a) fuck off, and b) examine their own life more closely. I guarantee that we are all doing things to make ourselves more conventionally pretty or acceptable. 

I’m sure even the most “advanced” feminist or fat acceptance person has a few things that bother them about their looks, especially as they age. You’ve done the hard work of learning to love yourself. If your saggy tits bug you and you want to get them lifted, go ahead and treat yo’self. It’s the same as anything, really: dressing femme, wearing makeup, dieting, shaving, waxing. If doing it makes you happy or feel sexier or more at home in your body, then go for it. It’s literally nobody else’s business whether or why you do. It’s fucked up if women feel like they have to get boob jobs, but if you want to, you should, especially if you think it’ll help you enjoy sex again. Everything is a compromise. Make yourself happy.