January 22
The Best Day in the History of Television
February 2
De Blasio Messes Up a Staten Island Tradition, Maybe Kills Groundhog
The Mayor dropped Staten Island Chuck on Groundhog’s Day and not long after STATEN ISLAND CHUCK DIED. Coincidence? Yeah, probably.
July 10
A Pregnant Tarantula Goes “Missing” in Prospect Park
Yeah, this was a hoax. But what a good one! There were several other hoaxes this year, including the fake “evil clown” roaming around Greenwood Cemetery, and the fact that the Times dubbed the part of the city where Ridgewood and Bushwick meet “Quooklyn.” Oh wait, no. That last one actually happened.
July 11
Kara Walker’s “A Subtlety”
Goes On Display at the Domino Sugar Factory
July 22
White Flags Raised on the Brooklyn Bridge! Manhattan Surrenders! Finally.
Actually, no, that’s not what happened. What actually happened was two German tourists swapped out the regular American flags that fly on the Bridge’s two towers with all-white versions of American flags. Everyone then commenced to freak the fuck out. But really, they did it in honor of John Roebling, a German-American, who also happened to be the engineer of the Brooklyn Bridge, and who died in a freak accident before the bridge was completed. Roebling’s birthday? JULY 22. Ohhh, now we get it.
August 24
“Life After Brooklyn”
The New York Times expresses surprise that Brooklyn—a place whose virtues (real and imagined!) it has been extolling for years now—might be too expensive a place in which to comfortably live. Shocking.
October 23
Ebola Comes to Brooklyn
Craig Spencer—a doctor who had recently returned from West Africa, where he was working to combat that region’s devastating ebola outbreak—contracted the virus and wound up at the hospital after already having spent a day jogging, visiting the High Line, and bowling at the Gutter in Williamsburg. Lots of people (including noted fear-monger and douchebag Donald Trump) started panicking. But it was all for naught as Spencer recovered, and ebola is not an easily transmissible disease, so nobody else was infected.
December 3
Grand Jury Decides Not to Indict the Police Officer Who Choked Eric Garner to Death
This year brought attention like never before to the issue of police brutality and use of excessive force. The deaths of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri and Eric Garner in Staten Island were prime examples of situations where the life of a black man was deemed meaningless, just another nuisance to be conquered in pursuit of maintaining the status quo. Protests took place nationwide surrounding not only the deaths of these men and so many others, but also the resultant lack of indictments for the police officers who were involved. Such was the case following a Staten Island grand jury’s decision not to indict police officer Daniel Pantaleo, despite the fact that he was caught on video choking Garner to death, as Garner pleaded “I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.”
December 20
Officers Wenjian Liu and Rafael Ramos Shot and Killed in Brooklyn
A Baltimore man, Ismaaiyl Brinsley, shot two police officers who were on duty in Bed-Stuy, in a purported act of revenge for the deaths of Eric Garner and Michael Brown. Brinsley, who killed himself before he could be arrested, also shot his girlfriend before leaving Baltimore. It was at the funerals for both these officers that many members of the NYPD turned their backs on Mayor de Blasio, holding him responsible for what they felt was a hostile environment in New York for the police.
January 19-December 31
The Year the Music Died, and by “Died” We Mean, “Had to Relocate to Different Places”
This was the year that so many long-standing beloved venues like 285 Kent, Death by Audio and Glasslands had to close to make room for VICE’s new offices on S 2nd Street and Kent Avenue. Oh, Williamsburg. As an ouroboros, you are unparalleled.
Openings
• Meat Hook Sandwich Shop, Williamsburg
• June Wine Bar, Cobble Hill
• Boobie Trap, Bushwick
• French Louie, Boerum Hill
• Morbid Anatomy Museum, Gowanus
Albums
• Zentropy by Frankie Cosmos
• Run the Jewels 2 by Run the Jewels
• Sunbathing Animal by Parquet Courts
• Content Nausea by Parkay Quarts
Books
• Brown Girl Dreaming by Jacqueline Woodson
• Redeployment by Phil Klay
• Friendship by Emily Gould
Real Estate Notes
Average sale price for a home/condo
• Williamsburg, $937K
• Park Slope, $808K
• Brooklyn Heights, $915K
• DUMBO, $1.5M